* No, not that one.

CANBERRA: Former National Party leader and deputy prime minister, Barnaby Joyce, has been picked for Australia’s national gymnastics team.

A Gymnastics Australia spokesperson admitted it was unusual for a person of Mr Joyce’s age and physical state with no background in the sport to be included in the national team.

“But his performance after Senator Pauline Hanson’s stunt in which she wore a burqa into the Senate chamber meant we had to have him on our team,” the spokesperson said.

“Mr Joyce excused the stunt, saying people were allowed ‘to make any political statement they wish, as long as it’s not violent’ which is a huge backflip on his position in 2017 when he was deputy PM and one of his then National Party colleagues George Christensen wanted to bring in laws banning the burqa.

“Back then Mr Joyce vehemently objected to any ban saying it could damage Australia’s trade relations with Islamic countries, including Saudi Arabia and Indonesia.

“I can confirm that we have been keeping an eye on Mr Joyce for possible inclusion in the Australian gymnastics team following his floor work with a Canberra footpath planter box last year,” the spokesperson said.

***

TEL AVIV: The controversial aid organisation Gaza Humanitarian Foundation (GHF) will end its operations.

GHF was established by Israel and the USA and has drawn criticism for the number of genocidal shooting murders of Palestinians at its food distribution points.

A GHF spokesperson who did not wish to be named (below) said the organisation’s work was now complete.

“I can say that despite antisemitic criticisms directed at GHF, it has performed exactly as intended,” the spokesperson said.

“Despite not being in the field all that long, our work has been very profitable too.

“We’ve made a killing distributing food, in fact we’ve made 859 killings,” he said.

***

MELBOURNE: The recently appointed CEO of the Bureau of Meteorology, Stuart Minchin, said there is a simple explanation for the confusion over the total cost of the organisation’s website including its popular weather radar service.

“Yes, the cost is more than $96 million not the $4.1 million previously reported,” Mr Minchin said.

“The original price tag was meant to be $80 million, but who could forecast such a rise, I ask you?”

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