KYIV: Ukraine’s leader President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has announced his resignation as part of a new plan claimed to guarantee Ukraine’s victory in its war with Russia.

The plan will see Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu assume leadership of the nation that will be renamed from Ukraine to North Israel. (main picture) The plan will also see contested areas along the war’s current eastern front renamed collectively as North Gaza.

“I want to thank Benjamin Netanyahu for devising this plan which I am happy to see implemented because it will mean an endless continuous supply of US weaponry to be used to defeat Russian forces with no questions asked, especially about the costs involved,” the former president Mr Zelenskyy said.

Before leaving office as his nation’s head of state, Mr Zelenskyy issued a statement in response to US President Donald Trump’s claims that the former Ukraine and Mr Zelenskyy as its then president had shown “zero gratitude” for US support.

An English-language version of Mr Zelenskyy’s official statement read: “Ukraine is thankful to the United States, to every American heart and particularly to President Trump for the help which, starting with Javelin (missiles), saves Ukrainian lives.”

But a copy of the statement in its original Ukrainian showed slight variations in the message.

In it Mr Zelenskyy said: “Grateful? For what? For you sticking your ludicrously combed-over jowly ginger empty head up Putin’s arse? Grateful for you deep rimming his corrupt coit with your corrupt lying tongue? Grateful for you whining and whingeing like a little bitch because Ukraine doesn’t say ‘thanks very much’ for you selling us out? I’m very grateful – grateful for the fact that once Bibi takes over I’ll never have to shake your tiny bruised hands, or look into your clearly demented eyes ever again, or listen to your spoilt pre-schooler level of discourse, or be insulted by a cowardly draft-dodging loudmouth oaf while sitting in the Oval Office that you’ve made to look like the Moscow brothel where Putin snapped you getting a golden shower most likely by exploited young women who’d fit in unnoticed on Epstein Island? Go fuck yourself you malignant turd on the sole of the shoe of history.”

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