The Stable Genius’s quest for a gold-plated mantelpiece chock-a-block with Nobel peace prizes is starting to look a little shaky.

Your ranter-in-resident is referring, of course, to arguably the world’s greatest ever peacemaker, Donald Trump, who at the time of writing has solved some nine pesky, worryingly persistent, wars around the globe (Subs: please update this if that figure has now reached double figures).

So why does Captain Bone Spurs’ bid for all those peace awards look a little doubtful, and not all of a sudden.

Firstly, it’s the so-called Israel-Hamas war that had fuck-all to do about Hamas or hostages.
Under The Tangarine Shitgibbon’s 20-point plan, the ceasefire should now be into its seventh week. Instead, Israel continues to bomb the shit out of the Gaza Strip, although to be fair more Palestinians would be dying daily without the ceasefire in place! Or as wits of X have observed: Palestinians continue to cease to exist and the IDF continues to fire.

And what of the Moron of Mar-a-Lago’s plan for his International Stabilization Force (ISF) and a Board of Peace led by him to rebuild Gaza as it prepares for possible Palestinian statehood? Here’s what Israeli prime monster Benjamin Netanyahu said overnight: “There will never be a Palestinian state!”

That’s fairly emphatic. And it’s not as if he and his Zionist government have never said that before. Not good news, surely, for the hundreds of thousands of freezing Palestinians huddled in flooded tents in what used to be their homeland. Or for Palestinians in The West Bank as their olive tree harvests are blocked, their homes stolen and the plan gaining pace to push them and the West Bank’s equally repulsive Christians into the Jordan River, without floaties, or the aptly named Dead Sea.

The grim reality? A greater Israel stays on track. Netanyahu knows that regardless of who’s in the White House – Trump, VD Chance, Newscum, Michelle Obama or any other Democrat, Beppo the Clown even – the US will continue providing Israel with all the bombs it needs to create a Greater Israel free from sub-human Arabs or Christians. And when all that is finally accomplished, our Foreign Minister Penny Wong (pictured far right) will still be touting a two–state solution as the only real answer to the region’s woes.

That’s some peace plan you’ve got, there, Demented Donnie/TACO Man/Mango Mussolini/Yam Tits!

Secondly, it’s the three-year-old Russian invasion of Ukraine and Trump’s take-it-or-leave-it offer to the offensively under-dressed Volodymyr Zalenskyy: agree in a few days to the 28-point peace plan he and old mate Vladamir Putin have worked out to end the war you so unwisely started against Russia or Diaper Donnie won’t send any more weapons to Ukraine’s European allies and that’s game over for Prez Z and his people.

And the Gold Fool’s/Orange Oaf’s plan? Russia gets even more of Ukraine than it already holds – presumably to compensate Comrade Vlad for his enormous military loses over the past three years – that Ukraine cuts its defence forces significantly and that it promises with pinkies crossed never to join NATO.

It’s often been said – well, this is possibly the first time but who gives a fuck – that Trump’s love of gold goes all the way back to the golden showers he enjoyed as a young man, the pictures of which are reportedly still in Putin’s pocket. Could that be the only logical reason for a peace plan mapped out only with Russia and one that so favours Russia?

Still, that’s some peace plan you’ve got, there, Our Fondling Father/Sweet Potato Hitler/Don Whoreleone/Founding Farter/Pumpkin Spiced Stalin/The Lyin’ King/Don the Con/Felon Frisky Allover, etc, etc. European nations have already slammed the idea and Ukraine can’t be far behind.

But seriously though: get that mantelpiece dusted and ready, Donald. The first of many richly deserved Nobel Peace Prizes surely must be on their way.

Rant concludes, accompanied by an orchestral fadeout of Hail to the Thief.

Don Gordon-Brown

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