OR DESERVE TO STAY EVEN IF YOU WERE BORN HERE!

WORLD EXCLUSIVE:

The Bug has managed to obtain a leaked copy of Opposition Leader Ssussan Ley’s Australian Values questionnaire that will direct LNP immigration policy if and when they are ever re-elected.

Give it a crack and see if you can unpack your bags if you’re hoping to move Down Under … or pack your bags and fuck right off if you show yourself not to be the true-blue Aussie you thought you were!

Pens ready? Here we go!

An Aussie thong is:

A: Just one of two pieces of very simply designed slip-on, open-toed footwear perfect for casual wear in most Australian conditions.   
B: A thin strip of material that some women wear, on beaches mainly, sort of like dental floss for the arse.

Molly Meldrum is:

A: An icecream treat on a stick that was popular in the 80s, 90s and early 2000s.
B: A much loved Australian TV personality and “music guru”‘ known for his akubra hat and bumbling ways and shitting himself in the presence of royalty.

The greatest Australian prime minister ever was:

A: Sir Robert Menzies
B: Sir Robert Menzies
C: Sir Robert Menzies

Provide the first name of this famous and much-loved Australian: …… Fraser

A. Malcolm
B. Neale
C. Dawn
D. Bernie
E: Tammy

Errol Flynn was a famous Australian known for:

A: Being an A-list swashbuckling actor in the golden age of Hollywood
B: Being propped up on a bar and having his life celebrated by colleagues for quite some hours after drinking himself to death in Vancouver, Canada.
C: A very large cock.

Sir Donald Badman’s Test average was:

A: 99.93
B: 99.95
C: 99.94.

The Bug understands that this one of several questions in the Australian Values questionnaire that leads to permanent disbarment from Australia or being asked to leave immediately to anyone who doesn’t point out that Bradman’s surname is deliberately misspelt in the question. 

It is commonly accepted that the only political party or parties capable of providing good strong stable government and sound economic management in Australia since federation are:

A: The Liberal/National Coalition
B: The Fishers, Shooters and Rooters Party
C: The Legalise Marihuana Party
D: The We Need to Add Even More Letters of the Alphabet to the Acronym LGBTQIA+ Coalition

All of the following are true-blue Aussie inventions or home-grown celebrities: The Victa Mover, the Hills Rotary Hoist, the double-flush water-saving toilet, Neil Finn, Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Sam Neil, the Pavlova, the Lamington, Tony Abbott and Johannas Bjelke-Petersen.

A: True
B: False

The saying “In like Flynn!” pays homage to:

A. Errol Flynn’s amazing success rate with the ladies.
B: The difficulty Errol Flynn always had inserting his incredibly large cock in things.

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