CANBERRA: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has rejected suggestions that his recent visit to Washington DC showed he has grown too close to US President Donald Trump.

“That’s just fake news,” Mr Albanese told reporters in a news conference in his recently remodelled office at Parliament House (main picture) where he defended the ingratiating behaviour he displayed at the White House.

“As a stable genius, I know how to behave on the world stage,” he said.

Mr Albanese then pushed aside a White House invoice for several billion dollars for an instalment payment for AUKUS submarines and rolled out onto his desk plans he has had drawn up for a new 1,000-seat ballroom to be built on the eastern side of his official residence The Lodge as well as a new large welcome arch to straddle one of Canberra’s major roads in the parliamentary precinct.

“I have to go,” the Prime Minister said in the midst of his explanation of the two new projects before donning a Make Australia Great Again cap and rushing from the room.

It was left to an aide to explain that the PM was late to play a round of his new favourite sport of golf – the third round he would be playing that day.

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NIRVANA: God says she is always prepared to share her heavenly realm with people such as the late Graham Richardson who believe they are as all-seeing, infallible, and even more influential than her.

“I am well aware of the former Labor senator and his exploits while on Earth and how he had a, shall we say, rather high opinion of himself and his political and interpersonal skills, influence, and achievements,” the Almighty Being (below) said.

“Being a tolerant Being I am always prepared to share heavenly space with the likes of Mr Richardson.

“But the issue won’t arise because even though he passed on Saturday he hasn’t arrived at the gates up here, according to Pete, and we aren’t expecting him.

“Not sure where he’s gone, but I can take a guess,” she said.

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SYDNEY: Operators of the nation’s National Organ Donor Register say they will seek to expand its list of donors possessing very rare “golden tonsils” who are willing to donate them for transplant after they die.

A spokesperson for the register confirmed that the extremely rare variety of tonsils belonging to radio talkback king John Laws who died at the weekend had already been allocated to an unidentified transplant recipient.

“Golden tonsils are so rare that we have a very, very short list of donors,” the spokesperson said. “In fact in recent years we’ve only had two donors on our list and Mr Laws was one of them.

“Because of that we also need to main strict confidentiality about exactly who is on the donor list just in case a desperate would-be transplant recipient takes it upon themselves to hurry a donor’s demise.”

When pressed the spokesperson would not name the sole remaining donor but The Bug can confirm that personal security arrangements have been increased for The Sydney Morning Herald’s political and international editor, Peter Hartcher.

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