GATTON, south-east Queensland:

Doctors here are hoping for a slow recovery at best as Aunty Pauline Hanson, national leader of the white indigenous one nations people, continues treatment here after collapsing from shock at her Lockyer Valley farmhouse near Laidley overnight.

The Bug understands Aunty Pauline, who has proudly led the fishandchippery people who have roamed south-east Queensland for time memorial offering a deep-sea mullet and large chips to other tribes at a very reasonable price was watching Nine News Queensland when she suddenly jumped up, shouted just the one word and then collapsed unconscious to the floor.

Barnaby Joyce, who was staying in Aunty Pauline’s guest room just for the night, explained what happened next: “I thought I heard Aunty Pauline shout “Mozzie!” and so I rushed into the room with a can of fly spray to find the poor dear lying supine on the floor, something I’m familiar with.”

“I called the ambulance the moment I realised it was a case of more than just being pissed to the gills.”

The Bug watched last night’s Nine News Queensland bulletin on 9now and we believe this is the story and the moment that triggered Aunty Pauline’s medical episode.

Update: Aunty Pauline this morning was still lapsing in and out of consciousness in the far-right wing of Gatton District Hospital and worried nurses are keeping a very close watch on her.

One shaken and clearly distressed nurse told us: “In her very occasional lucid moments, the poor dear must really be in trouble because I know that while there’s not a racist bone in her body she keeps asking how secure the nearby Gatton jail is, what — and I should quote her here – ‘with it being chockablock full of darkies and all’.”

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