SHITTY DECORATIONS:

A Brisbane man has a started new community pressure group to lobby authorities to guarantee the attractiveness of local suburbs at this time of year.

Trevor Snerd (main picture) said his new group, GROATHS, held its first meeting at the weekend and found strong grassroots support.

Mr Snerd said the aim of GROATHS – Get Rid Of All This Halloween Shit – was a simple one.

“We want to get rid of all this cheap but pricey plastic Halloween shit that’s clogging footpaths, festooning fences, and generally making suburban streetscapes look like crap,” he said.

“I called a meeting in my own suburb at the weekend and was very pleased at the numbers who turned up.

“They were all of one mind – they all wanted to see an end to all these ugly mass-produced Halloween decorations that major retail chains have discovered they can sell at this time of year and make huge profits while ignoring the fact it’s all plastic shit that’ll end up in landfill, or being eaten by and chocking birds, or in Moreton Bay being ingested by marine life.”

Mr Snerd admitted there was some consternation among those at the weekend meeting when he asked rhetorically at the outset if anyone wanted to “choke a dugong”.

“I needed to rapidly explain that I wasn’t using a euphemism and that all this plastic shit can break down into micro particles, wash into waterways, and end up killing such beautiful big marine mammals,” he explained.

Mr Snerd said his meeting included a short walking tour of his own neighbourhood during which GROATHS members noted the large number of houses with plastic skeletons, bats, pumpkins, and fake cobwebs overwhelming their front fences and footpaths.

“I also pointed out to those who came on the walk the number of life-size ‘corpses’ and other hideous and horribly deformed figures – some battery operated that move or talk – that many households insist on displaying at this time of year,” he said.

“Unfortunately, one of those hunched ugly figures I pointed to turned out to be an actual neighbour of mine hosing her totally undecorated front garden, which did shock some of those with me on the inspection tour. But they still got the overall message.”

Mr Snerd said he hoped state and local authorities would ban Halloween decorations.

“Once I achieve that I’m moving on to mount a campaign to ban overdone Christmas lights and to lobby for legislation making it illegal to sell hot cross buns outside a four-week period leading up to Good Friday,” he said.

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