… get off your arses and squeeze out a late entry!

“Or you’ve got to plop in it to win it”, as one of our senior judges said this morning of our arse-licker of the month prize barrel.

Here’s the reason for the plea for late entries for our uncoveted October 2025 Arse-Licker trophy.

Our prize barrel was developing quite a pong about it as entries flowed in for the first few weeks of October but then Steve Price wrote his piece declaring that the return of Tony Abbott was the Liberal Party’s only chance for political survival and a return to electoral competitiveness.

“Our barrel fell silent for quite a while which is pretty understandable,” another judge commented. “Even our panel thought: no one’s going to beat Price for October glory and we couldn’t even agree on exactly how many – and whose – arses were licked clean as a whistle by Price’s piece. But like the ring-mastery, the cloacal cleaning, the act of arse-licking itself, Price’s piece took our breath away.

“It was of those rare cases where some of our judges had to stifle a sob or two. If Price really thinks the Mad Monk who lasted two years as PM and is now a laughing stock in or out of his budgie-smugglers is the LNP’s solution, that’s incredibly sad, is it not?

“But if he writes this crap only because he thinks it’s what Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch expect of him; well, that’s doubly sad.”

Either way, The Bug‘s arse-licker prize barrel fell silent almost immediately as possible entrants assumed, and to be fair they were probably right, that the game was up and the Price was right for it. But then, just as a smelly late entry or two splashed into the prize barrel, Andrew Clennell also roared into contention by asking the question of Donald Trump that the Murdochs would have demanded without actually saying it: wasn’t our Ambassador Kevin Rudd very very rude in things he’s said about you, sir!

Yes, the perfect question from a scribe who works for an organisation with a pathological hatred of Rudd for thinking a royal commission into Newscorpse’s Australian operations would be a ruddy good idea. Oh, and an organisation happy to bag Australia if there’s a far-right-wing political point to make.

So a final plea from our judges: even though Price and Clennell are in a fight to the death for October Arse-Licker glory and it’s logical to think they are about to salute the judges and there’s no-one else even in the home straight yet, you never, ever, know right?

So with a few days left, why not submit your worst work for assessment, even if you have about as much chance as Susssan Ley leading the LNP into the next federal election?

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