TEL AVIV AND WASHINGTON, DC: In a joint communique overnight, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and US President Donald Trump have warned Hamas that the 20-point peace accord will be set aside “and all hell will break out again ” if it doesn’t immediately release the 20 or so dead hostages it’s still holding.

“Only in recent weeks have we replicated in the north of the Gazan strip – especially Gaza City – the scorched-earth policy inflicted earlier in the enclave’s south,” their joint statement says.

“This northern area was razed primary because it remained one of the last strongholds of these barbaric, proscribed terrorists but also to clear the area to make it easier for them to get about and fulfil their part of the deal to quickly return Israel’s dead.

“And now they’re saying they’re having difficulty finding all these corpses, including people killed during or shortly after the October 7 2023 massacre where babies were beheaded and raped, not necessarily in that order, by these sickening sub-human animals!

“We will be incredibly disappointed if war breaks out again and it will break our hearts, it really will, if the hundreds of thousands of Palestinians who have trekked north to find their homes no longer exist will have to be turned around yet again!”

“No, these sneaky cunts will not get away with such a flimsy excuse and our two great peace-loving nations make them this solemn promise: break this peace plan and some of the finest and most destructive bombs ever made will once again rain down on your heathen heads.

“Plus others that don’t even exist yet but are personally being built by an amazing world leader viciously deprived of a well-earned Nobel Peace Prize and current Board of Peace chairman determined to ensure Palestinians have somewhere to live as long as it’s nowhere near Greater Israel, and, besides, there’s no-one in the world that knows more about making bombs – or anything else under the sun for that fucking matter – than he does!”

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