GAZA’S FUTURE:

CAIRO: Former UK prime minister, Sir Tony Blair, (main picture) says he is ready to play a major role in setting a future course for Gaza following the ceasefire deal between Israel and Hamas.

Speaking at the conclusion of the international peace conference in Cairo hosted by Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi and US President Donald Trump, Sir Tony said he would soon be “on the ground in the frontline” at his London club running Gaza.

“This peace conference gives me a mandate, a British mandate if you like, over Gaza which I am sure will bring back fond memories for those living there – if you can call it living – after two years of Israel’s valiant efforts to fight terrorists with minimum impact on innocent local residents.

“If I may say so, I know how to ruin… I mean run Middle Eastern nations given my experience in Iraq a few years back.

“You really need to go in and put a bit of stick about. Keep the natives in line. We Brits are pretty good at that and if you look around the Middle East you’ll see the results that approach has delivered. Huzzah!

“As Viceroy designate I was very pleased that so many representatives of the global community interested in achieving a lasting piece of Gaza came to Cairo to plan its future.

“We had here leaders from Turkiye, the United Arab Emirates, the United Nations, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Bahrain, Kuwait, Iraq – good to see those chaps again.  

“There were also leaders from Spain, Greece, Italy, Armenia, Hungary, Azerbaijan, Indonesia, and Pakistan.

“Of course it’s always important at these big conferences to get the white mix of representatives and we certainly did that by have here leaders from real countries like Britain, France, Germany, the EU, Canada, plus Norway for some reason.

“Naturally the USA was here in the form of the American President,” Sir Tony said before immediately crossing his legs trying to hide an obvious spontaneous erection.

“I do apologise. That happens whenever I say ‘American President’,” he added before crossing his legs more severely.

Continuing his remarks, Sir Tony said: “America of course made all the big decisions here and that’s all white with me.”

When asked what role Palestinian representatives had played in the conference, Sir Tony replied: “Who?”

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