PUBLISHING DISASTER!

All copies of Tony Abbott’s new book, AUSTRALIA with the tagline A History have been pulped after glaring errors were spotted on the book’s cover right on the eve of its launch.

The shredding of all 50 copies of the book are expected to cost the former Prime Minister and his publisher at least a thousand dollars.

Abbott’s consulting editor and the publishing house executives were aghast when handed the final product late yesterday, to realise both the foreword and a flowery paragraph of praise had been wrongly attributed to Geoffrey Blainey and The Australian’s Paul Kelly respectively.

A friend of Abbott’s told The Bug: “Tony instructed that both the forward and the fulsome praise were to be offered to Jacinta Price and Warren Mundine who, naturally enough, were delighted to come on board. He only mentioned Blainey and Kelly as possible backups.

“Tony loves Geoffrey Blainey and Paul Kelly to bits but needs them on board soon for another literary project so he’s ropeable that his first suggestions have been overlooked by this absolute shemozzle of a fuckup. Jacinta Price and Warren Mundine are also understandably upset as they know they would have been perfect for the tone and general trust of this amazing historical tome.”

IT’S HAPPENED BEFORE! A few years back, another PM’s first foray into fiction writing was also shredded after Scott Morrison inserted himself into a rather saucy page-turner as a lowly but randy sailor aboard Captain James Cook’s first circumnavigation of Australia in 1788. He couldn’t find a publisher who believed any reader would want to know graphic details of the sexual exploits of any character even remotely based on Morrison.

Before that, Malcolm Turnbull’s election memoir, How my natural charisma worked wonders on the hustings, was axed after discovering his preferred publisher did not do fiction.

And also some years back, Kevin Rudd’s planned new autobiography The Brilliant Use of Programmatic Specificity to Humble Low-IQ Political Opponents fell apart at the final hurdle because he couldn’t find a publisher who had the faintest idea what the fuck he was on about.

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