CANBERRA: Federal Liberal Party MP, Andrew Hastie , says nothing should be read into his choice of a rental van to shift offices following his resignation from the Opposition frontbench.

“People will try to make mischief out of anything I do in the current circumstances, even down to making up stories about the hire van,” Mr Hastie (main picture) said.

“The truth is I need the van to shift out of my shadow minister’s suite into a humble backbencher’s office. That’s all there is to it.

“I know the name of the hire firm will raise eyebrows, but even that wasn’t my choice.

“I asked around my Liberal Party colleagues for their advice before picking that particular firm and most of them told me to go for it.

“Not a majority, sure. But so far pretty close,” Mr Hastie said.

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TEL AVIV: Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, says he hopes to seal a ceasefire deal with Hamas very soon.

Mr Netanyahu said he was personally drafting clear demands for what Israel would accept in any negotiations following in-principle agreement by Hamas to the ceasefire deal brokered by US President Donald Trump.

“I have President Trump’s personal approval to set out in writing my demands which I am doing as we speak,” Mr Netanyahu (below) told reporters.

“I want to get my demands to Hamas as quickly as possible so I’ve enlisted the help of the Israeli Defence Force to deliver my proposals,” he said.

Mr Netanyahu said if the ceasefire deal fell through he had a back-up plan in mind.

“It involves backing-up dozens of IDF bulldozers and pushing what’s left of Gaza into the Mediterranean,” he said.

“But don’t worry we’ll give the remains of Palestinians,… I mean the remaining Palestinians the usual amount of warning before we do that.

“The IDF has found that sending a single Harpoon missile into a refugee camp or hospital or school a few seconds ahead of a barrage usually does the trick,” he said.

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BRISBANE: The Brisbane Bolts club says it will respond to a directive from the JDG to take action against one of its key players for unruly behaviour following the team’s victory in the JDG grand final against the Melbourne Masturbators yesterday.

JDG acting national chair, Sir Phyllis “Syphilis” Bush, (below) issued a directive to the Bolts last night following reports of the behaviour by the team’s right-field side-groan filcher Barry “Snorter” Groper at Brisbane Airport after the grand final winners returned from Sydney.

On landing, Groper (pictured below at a pre-grand final player retreat) made a beeline for a group of very young fans amidst a huge crowd of supporters who had gone to the airport to welcome the Bolts home after winning the 2025 Online Gambling Industry Cup by a thin margin of 4573.34.1 to 8767.09.2.

Gathering the children around him Groper then yelled: “The cocaine’s on me kiddies!”

He then proceeded to shower the children with dozens of small plastic bags each allegedly containing one-gram of a white powder.

Sir Phyllis said Groper had “sent the wrong signal to young JDG fans” and called on the Bolts to discipline him.

CEO of the Bolts, Terry Verandah, said he would act swiftly against Groper.

“Too right I’ll discipline him, the silly bastard,” Mr Verandah said. “I shelled out good dosh for a couple of Ks of that stuff which is meant to be shared by all the boys, not given away to strangers. If those kids want some of the good stuff they can come to me and buy it.”

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