Trump’s tribute enters fourth hour

GLENDALE, AZ: US President Donald Trump is still speaking at the memorial service for far-right political influencer Charlie Kirk who was shot and killed on 10 September.

Now just more than three hours since he began his speech to a capacity crowd at the State Farm Stadium, Mr Trump has so far made only fleeting references to the late Mr Kirk.

“Like all of you I knew Curly Chalk [sic] very well. So very well. In fact nobody can know anyone better than I can. Professors have told me that,” he said.

The President then launched into a brief tirade criticising the concept of free speech.

“I never give free speeches,” he told the crowd. “So I hope you’ve all been charged an entry fee because I don’t work for nothing.

“I know our dear departed friend Chad Corky [sic] would want you to pay to see and hear me and also to buy some of my MAGA merch which is available in those big tents in the car park.

“How else can I fund my campaign for the 2028 election? Of course that’s if we have one – an election I mean,” he said to cheers from the crowd.

The President then briefly referenced “Carl Church’s” [sic] shooting death before spending more than an hour relating to the crowd the events surrounding the attempt on his own life on the 2024 campaign trail.

In doing so he produced a high-powered rifle of the type used by the shooter at the Butler, Pennsylvania MAGA rally in July last year and proceeded to give the crowd a detailed re-enactment of the shooting, even enlisting aides to perform as the Secret Service agents who protected him while he pumped his fist in the air.

“Luckily no one was hurt apart from me at that rally, because God saved me to Make America Great Again,” he said to chants of “USA!, USA!, USA!” from the crowd.

He told the crowd they would need to imagine his bleeding right ear because he had left the fake blood capsules he usually carries on Air Force One.

“Lucky the guy we got to pretend to shoot me was a really good shot,” the President added before rapidly correcting himself. “I mean, the guy who shot me, yeah that’s what I meant, that guy was a really bad shot. Really bad.

“Sadly we can’t say the same about the guy who shot Chuck E Cheese [sic] or else he’d still be with us.”

Mr Trump then called for a musical interlude which consisted of repeated playings of the Village People’s song YMCA.

At last report the President had resumed speaking after spending 50 minutes awkwardly dancing to the song.

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