News Crap Australia’s prominent Righters are continuing to work in shifts to maintain their round-the-clock vigil for the late far-right US political influencer Charlie Kirk who was shot dead earlier this month.

A News Crap Australia spokesperson said Righters from the Murdoch media’s metropolitan daily turdbloids, its national broadshit The Australian, and Sky News were taking turns to mourn Kirk at a specially constructed shrine in the foyer of the company’s Holt Street headquarters at Surry Hills in Sydney. (main picture)

“They have been welcoming a steady stream of Australians who are asked to agree to certain conditions if they wish to sign a condolence book,” the spokesperson said.

“We think the conditions are both fair and simple. Basically nobody can write anything remotely critical of Mr Kirk, and nobody can make any reference to any of the racist, misogynistic, or authoritarian Christian views he expressed.

“We think such rules are a fitting way to pay tribute to the firm belief in free speech exemplified by his Turning Point USA organisation.”

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The vigil at News Crap Australia’s headquarters in Sydney has already taken its toll on some Righters.

Early this morning a doctor was called to the treat one of the Righters engaged in the Kirk vigil.

The company spokesperson said Andrew Bolt collapsed after fulminating to his fellow Righters for several hours non-stop about the sacred right to free speech advocated by Charlie Kirk and epitomised by US President Donald Trump.

“Our Righters have been mourning in their own unique ways and Andrew’s way of expressing his grief was to go on and on for several hours about how the Murdoch media helps back freedom of expression by also backing Donald Trump,” the spokesperson said.

“His oration stopped only when he fainted after which the doctor was summoned.

“At first everyone present thought the doctor had declared that Andrew was suffering from hypoxia, or a lack of oxygen in his bloodstream.

“But they had actually misheard his diagnosis of hypocrisy,” the spokesperson said.

Meanwhile Sky News “after dark” commentator, Rowan Dean, (below) was reportedly caught self-flagellating in the men’s toilets at News Crap Australia’s Sydney studios.

When asked if it was an appropriate way for him to participate in the vigil, Dean replied: “What vigil?”

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The ABC’s finance expert Alan Kohler has reported a dramatic plunge in the price of interruptions. (below)

Kohler told viewers of his stock market report on ABC TV News that he had never previously seen such a drastic drop in the price of any similar stocks.

He attributed the phenomenon to the substitution of Melissa Clark (below) for David Speers as host of this morning’s Insiders program.

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