The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

Good journalists know the importance of recognising meaningless padding and making sure it never makes it to their finished report, right?

Especially if the padding is most likely untrue, right?

Well, wrong and wrong, in fact. While using something’s that’s not accurate – or indeed in any way provable – should be an absolute no-no as part of a reporter’s craft, it happens a lot, so let’s dissect the following:

“The arrested suspect is currently helping police with their inquiries”. Or variations.

Now that could, perhaps, might just, be the case but sadly it’s very highly unlikely help is involved in any way here. The bitter, washed up, hacks who compile this column spot it all the time on nightly TV news programs. Dear Melissa Downes was forced to read out a version on Nine News Queensland a few nights back.

The definition above is fairly explicit and it’s the MGH‘s best guess that anyone who’s been arrested, with or without charge, is not helping police with their inquiries back at the cop shop, especially if they are lawyered up and are throatily repeating “No comment” ad nauseam from the defence songbook.

Now it might be the case that a suspect is helping the police, especially if their inquiries involve the application of a phone book that can be relied on to leave no marks.

But in perhaps 106 out of every 100 cases, it really would be best for police roundspersons (should they still exist) and reporters of any age or level of experience to leave “helping police with their inquiries” out of their written or oral reports.

If a minute-long story needs a little padding, find something believable, okay?

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