THE FOURTH ESTATE:
Sky LNPNews host Sharri Markson has begun a hunger strike “to a painful death if necessary” after being overlooked for The Bug‘s Arse-Licker for the month of August award.
In a separate post updated today, our panel of ALOTM judges gave that award unanimously in a close 5-4 vote to Lord Downer of Pout House in the Adelaide Hills (link at bottom).
A shattered Markson somehow got wind of Lord Downer’s pending win a few days ago and after 36 hours of refusing to eat and equally determined to only drink anything other than water, the Sky LNPNews host is already quite weakened and has been put on a saline rowan dean* in a private suite in the Sir Keith Arthur Murdoch private hospital in leafy Rose Bay, Sydney.
“That gong was rightly mine for my recent interview with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu!” Markson is believed to be shouting to hospital staff in rare moments of lucidity.
“The Bug needs to come to its senses, withdraw Lord Downer’s award and give it to me before it’s too late and this nation tragically loses arguably its most balanced and professional politics analyst ever to work in mainstream media.
“Every other host at Sky LNPNews reached out to me this past week and said I was a shoo-in for ALOTM August glory. Several even said I should replace Janet Albrechtsen as ALOTM trophy naming rights holder.
“And they are spot on. Anyone could have safely eaten a meal off Bibi’s arsehole for a week after the cloacal-cleansing, ring-mastery I performed on him!
“Ditto for the Murdochs who will have a big financial stake in Donald Trump’s plans to turn the Gazza strip into a gold-plated world tourist hotspot, golfers’ paradise and the Middle East’s silicon valley during his family’s decade long ownership of Gaza after all the remaining towel-heads are sent packing.
“Rupert and Lachlan won’t be needing to buy dunny paper for quite some time after my excellent tongue-in-groove masterclass!”
* nurse talk for a drip
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