Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills has added another well-deserved honour to his already impressive list of accolades.

His Lordship called media representatives to his family seat Pout House this morning to announce that The Bug had name him its Arselicker of the Month for August.

Pout House heralds announced Lord Downer’s arrival by sedan chair at the east wing porte cochere by trumpeting his personal fanfare, Prithee Yon Handsome Boy A Cometh.

After His Lordship alighted and took a position standing to face the assembled throng, a Pout House butler read the citation from The Bug’s Media Glass House judging panel outlining the reasons for the award.

Quoting the citation verbatim the butler declared: “The judges considering the possible award winners for August were yet again overwhelmed by the long list of areslickers whose work was published by the national broadshit, The Australian and their constant apologia for the genocidal actions of the Israeli Government under Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.”

His Lordship obviously found it difficult to contain his excitement as witnessed by his rouged cheeks that grew even more flushed and his lips which he pursed ever more tightly as the butler continued reading.

“The incessant cheer squad for the war crimes associated with the blatant ethnic cleansing of Gaza evident in The Australian’s editorial content on its news, commentary, and opinion pages has been notable for its efforts to divert attention away from such actions by the Netanyahu Government and instead loudly point to real or imagined or invented incidents of antisemitism in Australia and …..”

At that point Lord Downer tapped his ivory capped swagger stick on the ground and signalled with a wave of a gloved hand for the servant to skip ahead in the judges’ text.

The butler obliged, saying: “But one who stood out in The Australian in recent times was former foreign minister Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills and his efforts both online and in the hardcopy newspaper (below) to ignore the deaths of 60,000 Palestinians under the Netanyahu Government and instead dismissed criticism of the Israeli tactics as anti-Jewish propaganda.

“A more blatant exercise in tongue bathing Bibi’s back passage would be hard to find.”

At that His Lordship appeared fit to explode with pride as his cheeks became even more red and his lips pursed even tight if that were at all possible. His sphincter also audibly clenched.

Apparently unable to contain himself any longer, Lord Downer again tapped his swagger stick, causing the butler to cease speaking.

After clearing his throat, His Lordship uttered some very brief words.

“I am thrilled to be the recipient of this award and, as the citation says, I thoroughly deserve it,” he said.

He then entered his sedan chair and was carried into Pout House without pausing to take questions from the media present.

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