It might now be almost a week old but last Friday night’s ABC Queensland 7pm news is still causing anger and division among the bitter and twisted old hacks who compile this column.

And it’s all over the lead story that Peter Dutton reckoned he was now too old for politics and any return to Canberra was out of the question.

Several of our compilers immediately blurted out: “Surely that item has joined the race to win one of The Bug’s most uncoveted annual media awards – our Beat-Up of the Year award?”

“If that’s the fucking top story of the day, then my lounge room mantelpiece is groaning from too many Gold Walkleys,” another added.

“And who the fuck gives a rat’s arse what Dutton’s plans are?” sprayed another. “There’s not a safe Liberal seat left anywhere in the country for him to contest anyway.

“And what the fuck was he doing being lauded at the LNP state conference in the first place? He got two fucking ovulatons for a dreadful campaign that has just about killed off the Liberal Party and Ssussan Ley is up there claiming she still asks herself what would Peter do.”

“Lauding Dutton is akin to Superman going on a kryptonite-only diet.”

A colleague concurred: “If I held any power at all in the Qld LNP and the federal Libs, I would have expunged any mention of Dutton in their records, and I would have bought the cunt a one-way ticket to the North Pole for the duration of the conference.”

Rather than being a beat-up of the year award contender, some of our compilers suggested perhaps a new media category, the worst lead of the year across all media platforms, considering the very same LNP state convention had dumped any net zero target by 2050 which was the bulletin’s go-to lead.

Others suggested a new politics award rather than a media one: Saddest single example of the year of a political party openly showing its total irrelevance on its way to oblivion.

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