WASHINGTON DC: White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt (below) has released details of arrangements for the summit between President Donald Trump and Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy due to be held in Washington tonight Australia time.

“The logistics of the meeting have been very challenging given it is being held within just a few days of the President’s meeting with Russian President, His Excellency Vladimir Putin. (main picture)

“We have recycled a lot of the program and materials we used for President the Right Honourable Vladimir Putin’s visit, such as the greeting given to him by President Trump after they both landed in Alaska,” Ms Leavitt said.

“This time instead of shaking hands, embracing, and  kissing… I mean, joking like he did with His Majesty President Putin, President Trump will greet whatshisname with a special welcome gift.

“The President has already been out to Andrews Air Force Base practising the welcome ceremony. (below)

“The President will then depart by motorcade for the White House by himself in his official limousine ‘the Beast’ while … umm….that other fellow whose name I can never pronounce, will walk down, not a red carpet, but one made especially for the occasion from squashed turds personally extruded by President Trump and Vice-President JD Vance.

“He’ll then pose for official photos alone on a stage similar to the one used by President Trump and His Most Gracious and Worshipful President Putin in Alaska. (below)

“He’ll then need to get to the Oval Office – good luck with that! – for his meeting with the President.

“We’ll give him some bus, train, and metro timetables so it should take him only a few hours to reach the White House, that is if he runs not walks the first few miles from the air base to the nearest bus stop and provided he has correct change for the fare.

“When he gets here he’ll notice we have made a couple of minor adjustments to the West Wing and Oval Office entry conditions. (below)

“We expect the meeting itself should be very short – President Trump hasn’t played golf for a few days – and will consist largely of getting  … umm … oh, you know who I mean, to sign off on some redrawn maps His Heavenly Sovereign President Putin handed over while in Alaska.

“It will then be up to the new Acting President of Southern Russia to front the world’s media and we have made arrangements for him to do that in an alley behind an abandoned asbestos factory in downtown Washington. (below)

“President Trump will not attend the news conference. By then he should be on the third or fourth hole out there overlooking the Potomac at Trump National Golf Club and well on his way to yet another club championship,” Ms Leavitt said.

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