… of dynamite up his bloated orange arse!

Metaphorically speaking of course. Trump might possibly be among the most repulsive, vomit-inducing, politicians in world history but I wish him no harm.

I’m a fair and reasonable guy who simply wants to see him impeached and thrown out of the White House ASAP to spend time trembling and crying like a baby in a federal penitentiary cell as other inmates come a knockin’, totally unfazed by his smelly and over-flowing diaper.

Too harsh? Maybe. But as for the dynamite? That should be inserted, figuratively, by the Nobel committee up Yam Tits’/The Orange Oaf’s/The Tangarine Shitgibbon’s muckhole to make him realise he’s got about as much chance of winning a Nobel peace price as he has of ever making a lucid, rational, speech free of porkies or finding anyone in his cabinet whose IQ comes anywhere near his own stellar count of 56.

And, in case anyone is wondering, my hope for that symbolic insertion has nothing to do with recent vision of his red-carpet welcome and applause for alleged war criminal and mass murderer of civilians, Vladamir Putin. Or how he’s sided with Putin every step of the way over the war Ukraine started. Or how he’s helped bomb Gaza to oblivion helping out his old mate Bibi.

It’s not even over the murderous attacks on the Capitol in January 2021 that Captain Bone Spurs called for and inflamed that I urge the Nobel committee to act on. But it started back then. Demented Donald has repeated ad nauseam since then that the 2019 was rigged and he really won by a uge margin.

But it’s the leadup to the 2024 presidential poll that I’m urging the Nobel folk to grab the sweatiest and oldest stick of dynamite and shove it, hard and fast, up the Moron of Mar-a-Lago’s poo chute. Metaphorically speaking of course.

In the leadup to last November, Trump and other Republican heavyweights touted civil war as the outcome should The TACO Kid be robbed of victory by another rigged poll. The Proud Boys and other true patriots were well armed and ready for the fight.

It was a sordid, despicable, tactic that would horrify any sane, decent, law-abiding US citizen with a love of their country but Trump saw it through his cold, soulless, ethics-free, criminal, reptilian eyes and won a tight race on the back of it.

If the Nobel committee ever thinks Trump is in with chance of winning a Nobel peace prize for any fucking reason let alone for that disgusting and threatening behavior – “vote for me and avoid a messy internal war” – then I’m going to get the old kit from storage as I await the call from the Aussie selectors desperately seeking some reliable Ashes openers. It will come 55 years too late but I’m ready, along with my Gray Nichols, to proudly serve my country.

Don Gordon-Brown

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