Trump/Putin talks strike a sour note

MOSCOW, Russia: US President Donald Trump’s Air Force One has just landed here for the second time in preparation of his meeting with Vladimir Putin in Alaska.

The president’s plane first touched down at 2.30pm local time, stayed for a while as President Trump waited impatiently for some time at the bottom of the aircraft’s stairs for Putin, his entourage and the republican-red carpet to arrive.

Air Force One then took off, later circling around Leningrad Airport as the pilots checked to see if a mistake had been made over the venue for the leaders’ top level talks over the carve-up of Ukraine and the location of several seven-star Trump golf resorts alongside Ukraine’s almost endless coastline.

Air Force One then returned to Moscow at around 5.50pm where Trump, ever the showman, stunned tarmac workers by playing an ancient Soviet-era pianola and singing Putin on the Ritz, his own version of the famous song written by Irving Berlin in 1927.

If I’m red and didn’t know where to go to
Why not come to where fashion sits?
Putin’ on the Ritz
I wear different types of day coat
Pants with a too-long red tie, perfect fits
Putin’ on the Ritz.

His efforts were met with only mild applause by airport workers who had gathered around to see what all the fuss was about.

WASHINGTON, DC: Meanwhile, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt has lauded the US President’s impromptu musical performance on the Moscow Airport tarmac.

“While the President has always been so very, very, proud, of his hour-long to 90-minute monologues where he weaves seemingly incompatible topics into a wholly satisfying whole that is lapped up by his political base, he is always striving to be even better as the world’s greatest ever leader and communicator without peer throughout recorded history.

“He’s always wanted to include music in his performances and no-one in the world knows more about Irving Berlin than he does; well, any composer in history really.

“And wasn’t his singing divine? When I first heard only the audio, I could have sworn it was Sinatra or Bennett in their prime.

“His only disappointment was that he couldn’t arrange a proper piano at such short notice. No-one in the world can tickle the ivories – play any musical instrument really – as well as our amazing president can!

“I guess I’m not the first woman to imagine how great he’d be in the sack although I’d be prepared to take him at his word on that.”

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