Experts step up therapy efforts

Health professionals responsible for the intensive treatment of serious vision, speaking, and hearing problems afflicting Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and Foreign Minister Penny say they can detect only very small improvements in their conditions and will step up their therapy sessions.

The senior speech therapist leading the team treating the two federal politicians said both continued to have trouble uttering the word “genocide” whenever they are describing the activities of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the Israeli defence Force (IDF) in Gaza and the West Bank.

“We were pleased to see the strong, albeit somewhat late, comments the PM made on the ABC’s Insiders on Sunday critical of Israel’s deliberate tactic of using deliberate and orchestrated mass starvation against innocent Palestinians,” the senior therapist said.

“Yes, the PM said the action breached international law, but still could not utter the actual word ‘genocide’ to describe what has been going on.

“It was clear to me that my team have much, much more work to do and will need to book him in for many more intensive speech therapy sessions.

“The same applies to Senator Wong. No matter how often and how hard we all try to get her to utter the G-word, she simply can’t or won’t,” the therapist said.

Another health professional in the therapy team, an optometrist who has been testing the eyesight of both Albanese and Wong, said in addition to their speaking difficulties both also continued to have trouble seeing the genocide inflicted on Palestinians in Gaza, the West Bank, and elsewhere by Netanyahu and the IDF.

“Every time I have tested their eyes I can’t detect anything physically wrong with them, yet  neither of them seem to be able to identify what just about everyone else in the nation can see,” the optometrist.

“Of course when I say ‘everyone’ I mean everyone apart from the Righters at The Australian and elsewhere in News Crap Australia.”

The optometrist said whenever Albanese or Wong were tested on the standard eye chart (main picture) they both read back completely different letters.

“They both say they can see only letters that spell out ‘Israel has the right to defend itself’.

“When I perform the standard duochrome test – using black letters on red and green backgrounds – I ask if they can read any of the letters, they both repeat the line about Israel’s right to defend itself.”

An experienced audiologist working as part of the medical team treating Albanese and Wong said hearing tests also showed both politicians failed to detect the word “genocide”.

“Every time I put the headphones on them and play the tape containing the word they both report hearing only the expression ‘two-state solution’,” the audiologist said.

“If that’s not odd enough, when I then play a tape with the words ‘recognition of a Palestinian state’, both of them tear off the headphones and flee the consulting room.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com