SCOTLAND: US President Donald Trump has stunned the vast majority of his 340 million citizens by signing an executive order here overnight making rugby union America’s official  sport. 

While this decision has shocked baseball, basketball and football fans across all 50 states, how did this urgent executive order come about?

It appears Trump, making a late morning start to a six-day holiday on his new Scottish golf course and about to leave his penthouse suite, called for his big black autograph marker and the necessary documentation after catching the start of last night’s British and Irish Lions/Wallabies Test where all players proudly ran out on to the MCG holding hands with young girls and boys.

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ROCKHAMPTON: The Crisafulli Government’s urgent review of the suitability of the Fitzroy River to host rowing at the 2032 Brisbane Olympics has suffered a major setback with the overnight deaths of two of the review experts, taken by crocodiles from their motel rooms. 

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PERTH: Plans by Liberal Party heavyweights to have Senator Michaelia Cash lead the LNP at the 2028 federal poll have been dashed with the realisation of a fatal flaw in the concept: there’s no safe Liberal lower-house seat in Western Australia to parachute her into.

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