Trump fills new position

WASHINGTON DC: The US State Department has confirmed that Secretary of State, the former Marco Rubio, has officially changed his name in line with a directive from President Donald Trump.

State Department spokesperson, Con Sulate, said the President’s chief adviser on foreign affairs and America’s most senior diplomatic figure behind the President himself, would now be known as Ruby Marcio.

Mr Sulate said a revised official portrait of Ms Marcio was now being distributed to all US embassies, diplomatic missions, and other relevant government offices and agencies. (main picture)

He said Ms Marcio was also considering a further directive by the President to surgically change gender which would allow her to take up a newly created position as Presidential Concubine.

The spokesperson said President Trump made up his mind to sign an executive order mandating the Secretary of State’s identity-change after the then Mr Rubio agreed to strip eight of Brazil’s 11 supreme court judges of their US visas as part of Mr Trump’s campaign to help the country’s former far-right and president Jair Bolsonaro avoid justice over his alleged attempt to seize power with a military coup.

“Ms Marcio has previously shown the President that she has what it takes to serve him not just politically but now in possibly a very physical manner,” Mr Sulate said before diplomatically listing a list of actions taken by the Secretary of State to faithfully implement the President’s agenda.

“Her actions have included right-sizing the State Department itself by un-engaging 1,300 departmental employees,” he said.

“He… she has also overseen the implementation of efficiencies such as de-establishing the US Agency for International Development (USAID) which will see savings for the 154 million US taxpayers mainly through the elimination of 14 million non-US taxpayers around the globe.

“Mr Rubio…. I mean Ms Marcio has also shown the leadership the President has demanded on Israel’s humanitarian outreach programs in Gaza and the West Bank, Iran, Lebanon, and now Syria that are helping so many Middle Eastern families live in pieces.

“She has played a leading role in helping overseas students at US educational institutions permanently reunite with their families back in their homelands if they protest against Israel’s conduct.

“Ms Marcio has also shown the leadership demanded by Mr Trump on the war started by Ukraine against Russia and was a notable non-vocal contributor to the now famous Oval Office meeting with the President and his Ukrainian counterpart Volodymyr Zelkenskyy a few months back,” Mr Sulate said.

A White House spokesperson later confirmed the creation of the new Presidential Concubine role and said Mr Trump saw no difficulty in filling the position with Ms Marcio despite his MAGA base’s attitude to transgender people and criticisms by opponents that he was again demeaning the office of President.

“The President doesn’t see a problem because he always maintains the dignity of the office of President of the United States and, besides, he has never said he wouldn’t sleep with a transgender person, especially if – as he says – she’s a busty babe,” the spokesperson said.

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