Trump’s doctors apologise

WASHINGTON DC: Senior medical experts within the American military have rejected suggestions that they deliberately ignored longstanding warning signs of age-related health conditions experienced by US President Donald Trump.

But they concede that they misinterpreted some early warning signs of this ailments.

This week the White House released details of the diagnosis of a “common” vein condition to explain swelling of Trump’s ankles and hand bruises observed in photos taken during meetings he held in the Oval Office. (main picture)

White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt read to reporters a physician’s letter which said ultrasound scans on the President’s legs had revealed a chronic vein condition common in people over the age of 70 which caused the swelling and bruising. The President celebrated his 79th birthday on 14 June.

Following her statement, social media channels were soon awash with MAGA supporters peddling theories about “deep state” actors conspiring to kill the President by ignoring obvious symptoms.

The backlash prompted a statement from the Walter Reed National Military Medical Centre in Washington DC – the facility responsible for treating US Presidents in their role as Commander in Chief. (below)

In the statement senior medical staff admitted that they had ignored several warning signs of the conditions officially diagnosed this week.

“This was done in all innocence and was certainly not a deliberate act on our part,” the doctors said.

“For instance, early in the President’s first term his staff and colleagues told us quite forcefully that he had what we took to be a ‘vain’ problem. We very quickly saw that for ourselves so we ignored the real issue, and for that we apologise.

“Similarly, in both his first and second terms many people working or dealing with President Trump constantly referred to him as ‘Ankles’, so we wrongly assumed he was aware of his swollen lower joints.

“It was only this week that we learned ‘Ankles’ is actually a nickname meaning he is two feet lower than a cunt.

“So we also apologise for not picking up on that warning sign earlier,” the statement said.

When the doctors’ statement did not help settle angry MAGA supporters, Karoline Leavitt returned to the White House press room (below) to address reporters again.

“I can advise that my earlier statements should be ignored and that the President is in top health and there is nothing ‘common’ about any ailments he may suffer,” she said.

“Any condition he has is the best of its type and he is the healthiest US President ever – period.”

She then turned her attention to reporters and their recent stories.

“I remind all of you woke criminally negligent lying scum that the President signed an executive order on 13 June making the following day his 59th birthday, so anyone who says otherwise is printing fake news and will be deported, or placed in the Alligator Alcatraz along with their families after having their citizenship wiped.

“The President will later sign another executive order imposing similar penalties for any reporters mentioning the word ‘Epstein’,” she said.

Her actions had the desired effect with MAGA supports across social media platforms expressing relief that “the truth about the President’s health had now been told”.

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