WASHINGTON DC: US President Donald Trump has established a major independent inquiry into the Jeffrey Epstein files in a bid to repair a widening rift within his Make America Great Again (MAGA) support base.

White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said the President had signed an executive order to appointment an external expert to examine all materials held by US government agencies and other relevant organisations related to the American financier and child sex offender, the late Jeffery Epstein.

“The President is determined to ensure his usual standards of honesty and transparency are applied to this issue to settle concerns among his supporters,” Ms Leavitt said.

“To that end he has decided to appoint a completely independent individual from outside the United States to head the new inquiry.

“He has selected a leading British expert in matters of underage sex offences, Ann Drew, (at left in main picture with an unidentified man) who will start work immediately.

“Ms Drew has lengthy experience in matters of underage sex offences and has advised us that she will deliver a report that meets the President’s expectations – no sweat.

“The President’s latest executive order directs the Justice Department, the FBI, and Hooters to cooperate fully with Ms Drew and to make all relevant files available for her to shred, oops… I mean, to … ahhh…. for her to … shrewd… shrewdly, yes, yes, to shrewdly examine in detail.

“She will start her work immediately and we hope her report, when it is delivered by the firm deadline set by the President of 21 January 2029, will settle the concerns of his supporters who are, for some unfathomable reason, angry at him over this issue.

“Clearly there are some people within the MAGA movement who have been deliberately led astray by the Democrats.

“Unlike the President, who has always maintained a dignified silence, the Democrats have been endlessly talking about the ‘deep state’ and its so-called cover-up of the so-called Epstein files which has raised unreal expectations among some MAGA supporters.

“I can’t believe this basket of deplorables would fall hook, line, and sinker for a stream of lies and fake news being peddled by cheap hucksters just to score political points,” Ms Leavitt said.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com