ONGOING LACK-OF-HOSTILITIES CELEBRATIONS:

SHANGHAI: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has reacted cautiously to the hundreds of wild celebrations that have broken out across Australia at the prospect of a least a decade – if not two, or three – of peace with China.

The spontaneous demonstrations of happiness, relief, and national pride erupted in major cities and towns (main picture) after Mr Albanese declared “peace in our time” while on an official visit to China. (below)

Mr Albanese was responding to political pressure exerted by the USA aimed at seeking a declaration from Australia that it would deploy any Royal Australian Navy submarines acquired under the AUKUS pact to help defend Taiwan in the event of a Chinese invasion of the island nation it claims as part of its territory.

“I acknowledge that some elements within the Trump administration have been pushing this story in a bid to embarrass me while I’m in China,” a candid Mr Albanese told Australian reporters travelling with him.

“But by doing so they fail to see it has a definite and significant upside.

“Everyone knows that under the shonky deal stitched up with the USA and UK by the shonky Morrison Government, Australia won’t be getting any AUKUS subs for at least a decade, more likely two decades, and probably even longer than that.

“So this demand from the US actually highlights the fact that we have at least 10, 20 or maybe 30 years of peace with China stretching ahead of us, which is why we’ve seen the street celebrations break out across our nation.”

However, Mr Albanese issued a note of caution to those celebrating in Australian streets.

“While we may be at peace with China we still face the distinct possibility of having to confront other global players who wish to do us harm,” he said.

“That is why, in line with the wishes of the US administration, we are lifting our defence spending to be prepared for any future conflict.  

“We need to do that because very, very soon we may need to take military action against the United States itself to protect our national sovereignty, our export industries, and our Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme,” Mr Albanese said.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com