SYDNEY: Devoted Catholic Anthony Albanese has stood down as Prime Minister for an undisclosed period as he seeks absolution for his dreadful sin of not being able to see clearly the genocide Israel has been inflicting on the people of Gaza for close to two years.

He is expected to stay locked in the confessional at his local Catholic church in his Sydney seat of Grayndler for, as a Prime Minister’s Office insider put it, “as long as it takes to cleanse his soul and put things right in both God’s and the Holy Father’s eyes”.

This is expected to take several weeks and priests in the local diocese have set up a 24-hour roster to hear the penitent’s confessions as they pour from his sad, sorry and sinful lips.

The PMO insider explained how Albanese’s forced confessional time had come about. “Late last month, the PM was visibly shattered when he heard Pope Leo come out very strongly against Israel’s attacks on Gaza.

“He actually slumped in his chair and sobbed openly when he heard the Pope in his weekly general audience in St. Peter’s Square say this: “In the Gaza Strip, the intense cries are reaching Heaven more and more from mothers and fathers who hold tightly to the bodies of their dead children’.

“We even got the Foreign Minister to ring the PM and argue that just because Pope Leo was a lot closer to Gaza didn’t mean he could see things any clearer than Mr Albanese and she could.

“Mr Albanese shouted back down the line: ‘But he is infallible!’

“And this week was the final straw when Pope Leo said parents in the enclave ‘are continuously forced to search for a bit of food and a place safer from the bombing’.

“The PM then shouted: ‘His Holiness will be openly calling it a genocide next!’ and someone nearby stupidly suggested he already had.

“After the PM picked himself up from the floor, he called for ComCar 1, declaring he was badly in need of a damned good Sacrament of Reconciliation as his only hope for salvation and absolution.”

Update from Canberra: Richard Marles is now Acting Prime Minister and will double his and the government’s efforts to suck up to Israel over its right to exist and also the US for giving Israel the bombs to raze Gaza generally and the AUKUS deal in particular.

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