SYDNEY: NSW Police say they have found the source of persistent and mysterious loud noises that have been the subject of hundreds of complaints from residents in the inner-Sydney suburb of Surry Hills.

A spokesperson said the noises and associated complaints reached a peak on Sunday morning and although police had now located the source of the offending sounds, they could not guarantee they would stop.

“For some time now police have been receiving phone calls from across Surry Hills and surrounds from residents complaining about loud drumming noises emanating from an indeterminate source in the area,” the NSW Police spokesperson said.

“These drumming noises have been rising in volume and frequency in recent days.

“Then on Sunday morning complaints flooded in about a new noise – a quick succession of short yet loud and deep grunting sounds that some callers described as being almost bestial in nature.”

The police spokesperson said door-to-door canvassing by a team of officers had identified the noises.

“We sourced the two distinct types of noise to the one location, namely the news room of the Murdoch media’s national broadshit The Australian within the Holt Street headquarters of News Crap Australia,” the spokesperson said.

“It appears that the first noise that has been annoying locals for weeks was being made by a team of young solider boys engaged by The Australian to beat the drums of war non-stop within the newsroom. (main picture)

“The young drummer boys certainly did a good job because our officers at the scene readily found a vast amount of evidence to show The Australian’s pro-war stance in support of Israel and its genocidal war-mongering Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu specifically. (below)

“The second short-lived noise heard by Surry Hills locals on Sunday morning turned out to be all of The Australian’s senior Righters and war mongers spontaneously ejaculating when they heard the new flash that US President Donald trump had let loose bunker-busting bombs on several targets in Iran.

“They included Gerard Henderson and Greg Sheridan but I understand Peta Credlin and a Janet  Albrechtsen also spontaneously climaxed on hearing the news.”

The police spokesperson said although the source of the offending noises and those making them had now been identified , there was no guarantee they would stop.

“In fact we suspect they may get worse,” the spokesperson said.

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