MEDIA NEWS:

Rupert Murdoch (main picture) has used national Sorry Day today to express his regret about the unashamedly biased coverage his News Crap Australia outlets gave to the Liberal Party in the lead-up to the recent federal election that saw its leader lose his seat and the party itself almost wiped out.

“I am very sorry that our blatantly pro-Liberal editorial policy didn’t work,” Mr Murdoch said.

“We did everything we could to help Peter Dutton into The Lodge, or should I say his preferred residence of Kirribilli House,” he said.

“I am sorry that voters didn’t listen to us, otherwise right now they would have a federal coalition government that by all accounts and based on the election result and post-election events is totally unfit for office and was offering policies we talked up but voters didn’t want and didn’t support despite our barrage of editorials telling them to do so.

“But since when has that mattered? The most important thing has always been to have a federal government that would give me all I want, namely killing off the ABC so I can fatten the profits I make from my own downmarket clickbait-infested outlets.”

The retired co-chair of the global News Crap group who now holds the position of co-chair of the global News Crap group also used Sorry Day to respond to the ongoing public outcry about his organisation’s biased anti-Labor coverage.

“Today I can announce a special independent six-member panel (below that will examine all aspects of the election coverage by all News Crap Australia outlets,” he said.

“The members of this independent inquiry will give me completely unvarnished advice on how we should improve our coverage in coming years to ensure voters get it right… I mean get it Right at the next election.

“They will be led very capably by His Honour Justice Mark Sherrison (below) who typifies the approach I insist upon when establishing editorial principles and guidelines across News Crap outlets,” Mr Murdoch said.

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