Liberal Party figures overseeing its disastrous 2025 federal election campaign said there was nothing wrong with the polling and other market research that is now being blamed (below) by some as being responsible for the party’s defeat including the loss of former party leader Peter Dutton’s seat.

A Liberal Party spokesperson vehemently denied that the voter research undertaken over the past three years was flawed.

“We relied a hell of a lot on focus groups to shape the messaging and policies Peter Dutton took to the May election,” the source said while taking the unusual step of releasing a photo of one of the party’s typical focus group sessions. ( main picture)

“In all of the focus groups conducted by our polling firm we got the same feedback – run on hard Right policies, kick public servants, kill their work from home perks, and keep talking about an expensive taxpayer-funded nuclear power plant network.

“Admittedly the audio recordings of the focus groups were a bit difficult to analyse when played back afterwards because of all the echoes.

“But the bottom line is that all our focus groups gave all of our policies a big tick, so it’s hard to say exactly where we went so wrong,” the spokesperson said.

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Celebrations marking the 50^th anniversary of the release of the blockbuster Steven Spielberg movie Jaws have been tainted by blatantly political remarks by one of its stars.

In a series of interviews this week, Bruce the Shark (below) has criticised his fellow cast members and the deal under which he was employed by Spielberg while advocating for the Australian Greens.

“In the past 50 years my fellow cast members went on to make other films and Steven [Spielberg] himself went on to build himself a billion-dollar career as a producer and director,” Mr the Shark said.

“Good luck to him and them. But me? I’ve been left typecast and haven’t had a single script offered to me that doesn’t involve eating people.

“I’ve been jobless and broke for the past 50 years. I’ve lost my career and teeth.

“That’s why in recent years I’ve joined the Greens and have been campaigning for putting dental into Medicare.

“The Greens seem to be the only ones keen on this policy so I’m sticking with them, even though my fellow Greens give me a wide berth at branch meetings.”

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Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has backed off a request he made of Pope Leo XIV while in Rome for the new Pontiff’s inauguration.

A senior government source said Mr Albanese had asked His Holiness if he might arrange for the fast-tracked canonisation of Labor’s federal election campaign director Paul Erikson. (below)

“Albo outlined Labor’s miracle win at the 3 May poll and explained it was all down to Paul,” the source said.

“The Pope said he had followed the election and knew it was all Paul’s doing and not the PM’s because of the way Albo had almost fucked things up entirely in the 2022 campaign, although he couched his more direct comments in Latin.

“The Pope said he could arrange for Erikson to become Saint Paul, no worries, but to be even-handed he’d also need to canonise Scott Morrison for his 2019 win.

“It was then that Albo dropped his request and changed the conversation to talk about his pesky little yapping mutt Toto and his childhood struggles being raised by a single mum in squalid public housing,” the source said.

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