Arguably Australia’s most easily recognised coal miner has strongly urged the National Party to remain split from the Coalition until the Liberals accept that nuclear power stations are the only logical solution to Australia’s growing and long-term energy needs.

He is Matt Canavan (pictured at top) who runs a small underground coal mine at the back of his north Queensland home along with his other two identical triplet siblings (at right, below).

“I’ve been very concerned by the wishy-washy weasel words that have been flowing back and forth between the former Coalition parties since they split last week,” Canavan told The Bug as he emerged from his coal mine after a gruelling 10-hour shift.

“The Nationals’ original demand for an agnostic approach to how we create power in the future – and God knows that’s the only way to go – was spot on!

“Lifting moratoriums on nuclear power also made perfect sense but the Nationals shouldn’t have gone to water by talking about relying on private money to build such plants.

“And the Liberals’ equally wishy-washy commitment to consider these things fills me with dread, it really does.”

Canavan, who is also an LNP Senator from Queensland in his spare time, added: “Labor’s return to power for at least another term and perhaps more given their thumping majority and most pundits’ predictions means our nation’s crucial nuclear power plants – the ones John Howard backs 100 per cent and I know for a fact many Labor people hope will remain Opposition policy – won’t now come on line until perhaps the late 2050s.

“We’re going to have to fix all our decaying coal-fired plants until then but I don’t see a problem with that, as long as we scrap this net-zero bullshit,” Canavan added as he punched the bundy clock at the pit head and knocked fists with his replacement down below, sibling Jethro.

Well, at least he thought it was Jethro; it might have been Judd. The Canavan triplets are so proud of making their livings out of “black gold”, as did degenerations of Canavans before them, that they never wash their faces between shifts down pit. Or any other parts of their bodies, for that matter.

BREAKING: Canavan’s plea for the Nationals to dig in and support a long-term coal/nuclear future has been fully endorsed by Victorian United Australia Party (dec.) Senator Ralph Babet.

“What the hell is going to be the use of a country chockablock with ugly solar panels when our sun burns out, eh?” Babet (below, far right) said.

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