The entire leadership of the National Party of Australia remains in hospital overnight after injuring themselves in their rush to see Liberal Leader Sussan Ley to plead for the restoration of the Coalition agreement.

The Bug understands Nationals leader David Littleproud, his deputy Kevin Hogan and Senate leader Bridget McKenzie all tripped badly and fell heavily in their rush to see Ley the moment they realised she was about to announce a Liberals’ only shadow cabinet that would deprive them and other Nationals pollies of around $60,000 a year in salary, not to mention loss of staff entitlements.

A nurse practitioner at the Melbourne hospital where Bridget McKenzie is being treated for cuts and a bruised ego after tripping on the pavement at Tullamarine Airport told The Bug on the condition of anonymity that it was probably the saddest thing she had ever witnessed as McKenzie slipped in and out of consciousness.

“She kept calling out that surely Ley should have realised that the four policies we insisted were non-negotiable were just bullshit really,” the nurse told us.

“She kept shouting out: ‘We did fuck-all about those policies when we were in power for a decade so I’m buggered to know why on earth she thought we were serious about them to the point where we had drawn a line in the sand’.”

Doctors treating Littleproud in a regional Queensland hospital told a similar story.

One doctor who has been treating Littleproud for some suspected fractures and serious bruising to any reputation for any political nous or negotiating skills told us: “The poor bugger kept mumbling that Ley should have totally ignored our non-negotiable four points seeing they keep changing overnight and even Sarah Ferguson knew they were really not all that important to our miners’ party.

In a similar regional hospital in northern NSW, The Bug understands Kevin Hogan keeps blurting out: “How the fuck am I going to keep up the mortgage payments on that investment property I’ve just bought? Negative gearing and capital gains tax loopholes alone won’t cut the mustard!”

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