WORLD NEWS:

US President Donald Trump has made a surprise side trip to Germany at the end of his Middle East travels to pay homage to “one of Europe’s greatest ever leaders”.

The 47th US president spent precious moments at the site of Adolph Hitler’s reconstructed bunker in Berlin (above) where the Nazi leader allegedly committed suicide in 1945 before fleeing to Argentina.

Sobbing uncontrollably as he fell to his knees, Trump said: “I know you did some bad things once but at the time you thought they were the reich (sic) way to go, and I think history has finally treated you kindly. You were only trying to drain the swamp and eliminate undesirables, as I have just been given a massive mandate to continue doing after that landslide victory over Sleepy Joe Biden. No-one’s ever won bigger, Adolf; it was uge.

“And I know you would have been as infuhrerated (sic) as I have been over rapists and murderers coming into our two countries, taking our jobs and eating our cats and dogs.

“Sure, you were nowhere near as tall or as handsome or as clever as the Gulf Arab state leaders I’ve just met – great guys, they really are, especially that Saudi-Arabian prince who’s always looking at ways to get a head (sic) and I really admired the Qatarians for their plane (sic) talking – but there was still something very special about you, Adolf. The moustache maybe? That funny hairstyle even sillier than mine? The way you could weave an apparently muddled address to the masses into a satisfying whole. That is a true art, my friend. A rare gift that only true stable geniuses possess, right?

“As the greatest world leader the world has known – and no one in the world knows more than me about how to lead people; well, any topic under the sun, really – that’s a fact – I’ve always accepted that you were one of Europe’s greatest-ever leaders.

“And only a fellow dictator would understand the loneliness that can brought to bear on such a person selflessly committed to doing their very best for their country’s leadership.

“I just feel it deep in my heart that if we had known each other in real life, you would have given me countless shares in Volkswagenwerk GmbH to show your admiration of me, and I would really have appreciated that. It’s always nice to be looked up to and respected, and I think we could have done great things together,” Trump blurted as one of his tiny hands moved up to his face where he gently kissed the copy of Mein Kampf it was holding.

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