The Bug, already acknowledged as arguably the nation’s fiercest, the most frequent and most respected observer of our media, has long thought it lacked a special extra award for extra shoddy journalism based mainly on gross stupidity.

Sure, in more than four-and-a-half decades of applying the blowtorch to, and to be fair the occasional praise on, our MSM we’ve struck a number of award categories to dishonour the worse of journalism – the Arse-Licker of the Month and year, ditto the Beat-Up, the recent Goebbels Goblett – but we have always felt a category was lacking for just plain, risible, laugh-aloud writing that didn’t fit neatly into any of the awards mentioned above.

You BUGgers out there will know what we’re hinting a here; a report or a column based on such a demonstrably bullshit basis that you literally shake your head wondering how the “journalist” involved keeps their position and their bloated pay packet.

And for all these reasons, The Bug is proud to introduce its brand new trophy, the Thick As a Brick Award!

And our inaugural winner is none other than …. drum roll please …. James Morrow!

Now, are you all sitting down out there as injuries will hopefully be minimised as you collapse to the floor to begin rolling around laughing?

Ready? Morrow wins because he opined in a Newscorpse piece recently that Peter Dutton and the LNP opposition …. wait for it and it might be best to get on the floor now – had such a disastrous election – perhaps you should close all your doors too so that you don’t roll out onto the street and get run over – where were we? – oh. that’s right, Dutts and his mob did so poorly, indeed, but only because they made the fatal mistake of TRYING TO BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE!

Still with us and wondering what fucking election Morrow has just watched that was the exact opposite to the one the rest of us sat through?

Wondering also if Morrow’s lift goes to the top floor? If he’s a sandwich short of a full picnic basket? If he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed?

On exactly what topic did Dutton try to be all things to all people?

To probably no-one else in Australia, Morrow clearly saw that Dutton was as much currying favour with the nation’s teachers whom he offended by claiming they were brainwashing their students, and not just wooing the cookers, conspiracy theorists, racists and religious nutters and general brain-dead morons for thinking that those teachers are inculcating into student minds that First Nations people were robbed of their lands and whities should just fuck off.

To probably no-one else in Australia, Morrow clearly saw that Dutton was appealing as much to the 40,000 plus lazy and inefficient Canberra public servants he wanted to sack as to Big Four he wanted to throw so many billions at for their overpriced advice. To probably no-one else in Australia, Morrow clearly saw that Dutton was on a vote winner when he offended work-at-home mums and demanded they return to the city office or work extra jobs? Votes both there and from CBD food and drink businesses.

To probably no-one else in Australia, Morrow clearly saw that Dutton, in calling countless journos at the ABC, The Guardian and other outlets as the “hate media”, he did no harm at all to his prospects while pleasing those who see the bulk of our media as fifth columnists.

And towards the end, Morrow clearly saw that Dutton was being all things to all people when he started throwing even more red meat to those above-mentioned cookers, conspiracy theorists, racists, religious nutters and general brain-dead morons over Melburnians being afraid to go to the shops because of (BLACK!) criminals and reminding them of how he saved (WHITE!) Australia by wrecking The Voice, while that red meat would also be a satisfying meal to those scardy-cat Victorians and a sizeable share of Australians still appalled by the divisive and racist Voice NO! campaign.

Phew! That was such a long paragraph that we won’t bang on too long about how Morrow saw Dutton cleverly appealing to both sides of the nuclear-power debate.

Yes, James Morrow could possibly be the only person in Australia who thinks Dutton paid a very big price for trying to straddle and then run along a barbed-wire fence while appealing to those on both sides.

For that, we salute Morrow as the winner of our inaugural Thick as a Brick trophy and we have no doubt that if we ever award naming rights to it, he’d be a pretty firm favourite!

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