It’s getting close to the point when we can measure the time left in the 2025 federal election campaign in just hours. Until then The Bug and its vast national and international network of staff and resources will continue to deliver Australia’s most comprehensive campaign coverage.

Australia’s television networks have revealed details of how they will cover the count and results of the federal election on Saturday night.

The Seven Network yesterday announced its intention to outgun its rivals on several fronts.

“We’ll be getting a jump on other networks by starting our election night coverage a bit earlier this time – around 3pm,” a Seven spokesperson said.

“We’re also planning to have the biggest ever election night commentary panel with 57 experts. (main picture)

“In fact that’s the reason we’re starting so early. We need to spend quite a few hours just introducing all of our guest commentators to our viewer.

“We’ve embraced the idea of the election as a gladiatorial contest, with Albo or Dutton being put to the sword by voters, and our huge expert panel throwing in their two-bob’s worth in our Election Colosseum,” the source said.

The Nine Network confirmed it would continue its tradition of using animation to see off MPs who lose their seats.

In previous election broadcasts Nine has used the shredder, the crusher, and the boot to dispose of losers. (below)

A Nine spokesperson said it would employ “The Sphincter” on Saturday night to record the defeat of key MPs.

“The very graphic animation is based on former legendary Nine political reporter Laurie Oakes and, unfortunately for any weak-stomached viewers, is both lifelike and anatomically correct,” the spokesperson said.

ABC TV will be farewelling the longstanding but rather short psephologist Antony Green in his last appearance in a federal election broadcast.

“Antony is keen to clock off,” an ABC spokesperson said. “So he’s planning to call the election at about 7.05 pm based on around 0.05% of the vote from a booth on the outskirts of Alice Springs so he can fuck off and hit the piss something fierce as he usually does.”

A spokesperson for SBS Television said in an effort to retain viewers who may be annoyed at losing the foreign films usually screened by the multicultural network on Saturday nights, all members of its election commentary panel would appear topless.

A Network Ten spokesperson said it would offer its usual federal election coverage.

“We’ll be once again playing The Shawshank Redemption followed by The Sound of Music, followed by the three Godfather movies in a row,” the spokesperson said.

***

During visits to marginal NSW seats on Monday, Opposition Leader Peter Dutton appeared to go out of his way to promote his right-wing political hard-man image as time runs out for him to claw back the apparent lead Prime Minister Albanese currently enjoys in polls for preferred prime minister.

Mr Dutton returned to the issue of the supposed public backlash against Aboriginal welcome to country ceremonies by announcing a new last-minute policy to ban welcome mats at all residential and business premises across Australia. (below)

“Welcome ceremonies or welcome sentiments in any form are divisive and simply unacceptable, and un-Australian,” Mr Dutton said.

“The Coalition parties believe we are One Nation, err…. I mean we are one nation and all Australians should be treated as One Nation… I mean one nation.

“Welcome mats are just more evidence of the way Anthony Albanese and his woke, lefty, black-armband, trans-loving, dog and cat eating, Aboriginal flag waving, antisemitic, Jew-hating Labor Party have failed Australians.”

Mr Dutton rejected suggestions by Mr Albanese that his far-right ideas and policies had “darkened” the Opposition Leader’s own brand.

“That’s just more woke, lefty, black-armband, trans-loving, dog and cat eating, Aboriginal flag waving, antisemitic, Jew-hating rhetoric from a woke, lefty, black-armband, trans-loving, dog and cat eating, Aboriginal flag waving, antisemitic Jew-hating prime minister,” he said.

“Anyone who knows me also knows that the last thing I’d ever do is to darkie my own brand,” Mr Dutton said.

***

Several new polls have lobbed overnight, showing the election race is tightening. Roy Morgan’s sphincter tightened the most with five points shaved off the gap between Labor and the LNP. Albo and Co’s lead narrowed from 55.5/44.5 two-party preferred to a still comfortable 53/47 split. The earlier Morgan result was probably a bit fanciful, anyway.

The Guardian’s Essential poll dropped Labor’s two-party preferred lead from 53/47 to 52/48 and we’ve added a newbie, DemosAU who has found the same 52/48 divide.

All this means that the average of the the seven polls we are now monitoring has dropped from 53.5/46.5 2PP in Labor’s favour to 52.5/47.5,

***

Little movement again on the betting front although Sportsbet has shortened the LNP’s odds by a fair bit, making the other agencies – all at $5 for Dutts and Co – more attractive . The first figures are from around 9.35 pm last night (Monday) with the results from roughly 24 hours earlier in brackets.

Sportsbet: Labor $1.21 ($1.15); Coalition $4.45 ($6.00)
Ladbrokes: Labor $1.16 ($1.15); Coalition $5.00 ($4.45)
TAB: Labor $1.16 ($1.16); Coalition $5.00 ($5.00)
bet365: Labor $1.18 ($1.16) Coalition $5.00 ($5.50).
Neds: Labor $1.16 ($1.13); Coalition $5.00 ($5.50).

UPDATE: By 11am Tuesday, Sportsbet had again widened the gap to $1.19/$4.90.

***

Take it away, you darling old leftie, Scotty Burchill..

Look, we’re rushed for time here so could you please once again go online to Sky LNPNews and pick anything its “hosts” have cookered up over the past 24 hours in their growing desperation to get the LNP back on the government benches where God and Rupert believe they belong.

BREAKING OVERNIGHT: Online bookies have a new election category to lure you mug punters with! They’ve framed the odds as to the chances of any Newscorpse paper using a 600-point splash claiming a MONSTER BLACK HOLE! in the LNP’s election promise costings – if they do release them before Saturday, that is. It’s at 500 to one but at those fantastic odds, surely it’s worth a flutter?

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