…. columnists!

It’s obvious from the main image above that we have …. drum roll, please … a TIE for the uncoveted Coorey Uhlmann Newswriting Trophy for the penultimate week of the campaign.

And, sure, it’s entirely fitting that the winners of the CUNT trophy for Week 4 Campaign ’25 both obviously possess their own c…. c… colourful careers in cultivating far-right propaganda! Yes, our winners are Sharri Markson and Danica De Giorgio! (Memo subs: these two always look and sound the same to me so please insert who is on the left, etc)

Before we show their winning entries, a quick recap of why the CUNT trophy is so named.

Throughout their righing careers, Phillip Coorey and Chris Uhlmann have constantly shown why they will one day go to their graves believing that only the Liberal Party federally has ever been able to provide sound economic management.

To this end, they have religiously pushed their Coorey-Uhlmann Theory of Electoral Outcomes, namely that as long as polls during elections show the LNP ahead of Labor by the narrowest of margins on primary votes, the only side of politics that can provide sound economic management will romp it in! That’s Right! It takes enormous devotion to a cause to totally ignore the concept – and the outcome – of Australian elections that have compulsory preferential voting. Talk about being prepared to make yourselves look absolutely silly just to write Right!

It’s this total suspension of logic and reality – either by wilful design or by being woefully ill-informed – that our weekly CUNT judges have been looking for at the end of each week of the current campaign.

And it’s why they couldn’t separate Sharri Markson and Danica De Giorgia as this week’s winners.

Markson proved she’s an absolute c … career propagandist when she declared on Sky LNPNews that all the public opinion polls were wrong because the LNP had told her their own internal polling said otherwise, finishing with a flourish that Newspoll was in the pocket of Labor, who paid the pollster heaps to get it left.

In her own Sky LNPNews spot, Danica De Giorgia declared that the booing during the welcome-to-country at the Melbourne Dawn Service on Anzac Day simply reflected the nation’s silent majority’s opinions about who fucking really owns this great, brown, land of ours. (Subs: We’ve probably paraphrased her comments there a bit so maybe tone them down a bit?)

Just Di Giorgia showing yet again she’s an absolute c… c… champion at righting the Coorey-Uhlmann way.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We wanted to ask Coorey and Uhlmann if they endorsed this week’s winners but they are hunkered down working out how to claim the LNP still have the election in the bag even when several polls have them BEHIND Labor on primaries!

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