Today week, it will all be over! Forget about our political leaders! The important question is: Can The Bug’s expert political analysts make it to polling day with all their faculties intact?

Anzac Day on the federal election campaign trail saw Opposition Leader Peter Dutton sidelined for several hours after being bizarrely caught up in a missing persons case and being admitted for several hours to a Brisbane hospital.

The would-be prime minister spent Anzac Day in his Dickson electorate north of Brisbane but became unwittingly involved in the hunt for a prominent Sydney-based Righter from News Crap Australi’s national broadshit The Australian.

Senior editorial staff at The Australian became concerned that Chris Kenny had not fronted for work yesterday morning to continue playing his part in the paper’s efforts to see Dutton elected as prime minister.

“Editor-in-chief Michelle Gunn knew Chris would not be late when there was work to do writing advertisements for Dutton and the Libs,” a source at The Australian’s Holt Street newsroom in Surry Hills said.

“Michelle of course was well aware of Chris’s talent as one of The Oz’s best advertising copywriters working on the Liberal Party’s account.

“She had seen his recent ads declaring Dutton had easily won the leaders’ debates against Prime Minister Anthony Albanese first on SkyLNP News, then on the ABC, and earlier this week on the Nine Network – verdicts he proffered without even blushing despite them being way out of whack with the general consensus of political observers.

“Michelle also knew that Chris had already filed his piece declaring Dutton the winner of the upcoming Seven Network debate.

“So she alerted NSW Police and a missing person’s bulletin was issued for Chris. But her worries soon disappeared when far to the north at his near-Brisbane home, Peter Dutton reported feeling slightly unwell and uncomfortable.

“A quick examination by a doctor saw him rushed to the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital were a scan found a bowel obstruction – namely Chris Kenny. (main picture)

“It’s not known how long Chris had been up there but doctors said he was well into Dutton’s transverse colon so he had put in a pretty strong effort.

“Luckily as soon as the obstruction was identified doctors rescued him by ordering an enema and Chris was soon flushed out and Dutton was sent home,” the newsroom source said.

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The source within The Australian newsroom said one of the last Liberal Party advertisements Chris Kenny wrote before disappearing up Peter Dutton’s date was a puff piece in The Oz published on Anzac Day that talked up Shadow Defence Minister Andrew Hastie and his military career by totally misconstruing comments by Defence Minister Richard Marles as attacks on Hastie’s military service. (below)

“The Kenny-penned advertisement was a master class in sophistry – detailing Hastie’s service in the armed forces complete with snaps of him in uniform while denigrating Marles’s career as a unionist and politician,” the source said.

“Marles was critical of Hastie as one politician to another, and did not belittle his service in any way as Chris suggested in the ad.

“But luckily for Hastie The Oz won’t be correcting the record as it usually does. By that I mean it usually doesn’t correct the record at all.

“Funnily enough Chris’s ad for Hastie and the Libs ran on Anzac Day – the same day as a story in The Guardian detailing the Defence Department’s concerns about Liberal Party candidates – including the shadow minister for defence – sporting their military uniforms in election ads and other promotions which the department fears politicises the uniform and the wider military,” the source said. (below)

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Sky News caused some confusion on Anzac Day by promoting a special “after dark” edition of Credlin focussing on “the fallen”.

But instead of tributes examining Anzac Day heroes who gave their lives in battle, the special focussed on Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s stumble after delivering a speech earlier in the campaign.

One of Sky’s leading “after dark” commentators, Peta Credlin, proffered a theory that the PM could be covering up “a possibly serious condition that may be affecting the way he walks”.

Ms Credlin suggested the problem may be caused by severe alcohol abuse, the taking of illicit drugs, or transgender surgery.

She called it a scandalous cover-up by the PM and Labor while labelling the “whole sorry corrupt affair” as Gaitgate. (below)

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Throughout the evening on Anzac Day other Sky News “after dark” commentators  played video tapes of the incident at Melbourne’s dawn service in which mentions of indigenous servicemen and women, the delivery of a welcome to country, and acknowledgements of country were met with sustained and loud boos.

All of the “after dark” commentators played the vision and audio many times over in their respective programs.

As each of them explained, they did so because repeated screenings allowed them to join in the booing many times over.

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No new polls lobbed overnight, so the average of the six polls we are monitoring stays at 53.5 to 46.5 2PP to Labor.

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Are the online bookies getting close to paying out?

Sportsbet: Labor $1.14 ($1.14); Coalition $6.00 ($6.05)
Ladbrokes: Labor $1.15 ($1.20); Coalition $5.50 ($4.50)
TAB: Labor $1.16 ($1.18); Coalition $4.75 ($5.00)
bet365: Labor $1.14 ($1.14) Coalition $5.50 ($5.50).
Neds: Labor $1.15 ($1.20); Coalition $5.50 ($4.50).

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Sky LNPNews again! And no words needed. Apart from wishing that Danica De Giorgio could be silent not just the majority but all of the time.

BREAKING OVERNIGHT: The last major grouping of Australian citizens that Peter Dutton has not managed to offend yet during the federal election campaign has been found hiding in a cave deep inside the Lamington National Park in the Gold Coast Hinterland.

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