… but it will definitely be GREEN!

WORLD EXCLUSIVE!

Famous ABC election caller Antony Green will bow out in a blaze of colour when he fronts his final-ever results board on federal election night, May 3.

The brilliant psephologist has come up with a fantastic concept for his final call – one that could become a tradition, dare we say it, that could last 1400 years.

In this world exclusive, The Bug can reveal that at not inconsiderable cost, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation will install a chimney above the public broadcaster’s election-night studios in Canberra.

Just as a spellbound Australia waits with bated breath for the famous “Anthony Green calls it!” announcement Green will step behind a screen and feed discarded ballot papers into the chimney’s fireplace after dosing them in special chemical dyes.

Red smoke that then billows from the chimney stack will signal that Labor has won a majority; Blue obviously will indicate an unexpected LNP majority government that almost every politics journalist in the country will then wet their pants over.

Yellow smoke will indicate that the Trumpet of Patriots has won enough seats to govern and Suellen Wrightson will be our new prime minister. Our nation’s First Nations peoples are expected to then flock to international air terminals when they quickly realise they are no longer welcome in their own country.

An excited Green told The Bug overnight: “I’m still working with chemists to determine what colour mixtures to use if we have a hung parliament and all those various options present themselves: red and green; blue and teal, yellow, red, blue and green; blue, teal, yellow and Bob Katter”.

“If I’m convinced there’s no hope of any form of government being installed and we might have to go through this whole fucking process again, alternate puffs of white and black smoke will signify that things are indeed grim; that it’s time to wave the white flag and for the whole country to head to those international departure gates.”

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