Shortly, we will be revealing our third-week-of-the-campaign winner of our much unsought-after CUNT trophy shown here.

And the fact that the trophy is named in honour of, arguably, two of the finest politics righters and analysts this country has ever known is the reason why this award wasn’t presented yesterday (Saturday) as intended.

Let us explain. Our in-house judges are deciding the unlucky winner of each week on the hustings, but as a mark of respect, we ask Phillip Coorey and Chris Uhlmann if they have any problems with that selection. Any hint of disapproval and we go back to the judges’ room and sift through all the nominees again.

But this week we were unable to consult, arguably, two of the finest politics righters and analysts this country has ever known, because both had been rushed to hospital on Friday night after collapsing in shock on reading that a fresh RedBridge poll had both Labor and the LNP deadlocked on a 33 per cent primary share each.

Coorey lapsed in and out of consciousness for the next 36 hours in a suite at the Sir Robert Menzies private hospice in Canberra, while Uhlmann needed constant monitoring over the same period in the B.A. Santamaria private hospital and sanitorium in Sydney.

Both of them were heard to mutter occasionally: “How the fuck are we going to explain this one?!”

And a good question too. One that’s best answered by a recap of why the trophy was named in their honour of in the first place.

Throughout their entire mainstream mediocre politics reporting careers on behalf of their masters, both righters have religiously promoted the unregistered Coorey/Uhlmann Method for Picking Election Winners; that as long as the LNP (hint: it’s a coalition of four parties) were ahead of Labor (hint: one party) on primary votes in any election poll, then the natural parties of power (as God has always intended) were in a solid position to win and win by lots.

That’s right, in pursuing their own push-polling endeavours, they have always totally ignored the substantial Greens vote (the other central/sort of left party, often with above 10 per cent) and pushed from their minds the entire concept of Australia’s compulsory preferential voting system, no matter how fucking stupid it has made/keeps making them look as they plug away at the Fin. Review and Sky LNPNews unrespectfully . Now that’s dedication, right? Clearly no shame at all when you’re trying to write … sorry, the right … way.

But with this RedBridge poll now in the public domain, how are, arguably, two of the finest politics righters and analysts this country has ever known going to sell the idea that if the parties do end up with the same primary support come election day, the LNP will still win the election comfortably but just not by the landslide that being ahead on primary votes would have delivered to the Coalition.

Enough, all ready! The envelope please.

Who has shamelessly written/spoken the most bullshit propping up the far-write … sorry… the far-right of Australian politics over the past week?

And we couldn’t go past this summary of the ABC leaders debate penned by Chris Kenny in The Australian and no-doubt spewed forth on Sky LNPNews. Got a chuck bucket ready for his opening salvos?

This was the night when Peter Dutton finally threw a few political punches. Long framed as the hard man of the Coalition, the Opposition Leader finally put some of his sharp criticisms of Anthony Albanese directly to the Prime Minister and the electorate.

Dutton was much more assertive from the outset. Asked about housing measures, he went straight to record immigration numbers exacerbating the housing crisis and mentioned union power too. Bam!

Then as host David Speers followed up on housing policies, Dutton attacked Albanese over Labor’s modelling of negative gearing changes, which the Prime Minister first tried to deny but then seemed to accept. “This Prime Minister has a problem with the truth,” Dutton said. Pow!

When Albanese boasted about two surpluses Dutton criticised him for pretending things were getting better when in fact there has been a “household recession” and record small business failures. Whack!

Hope that bucket didn’t overflow too much. The rest of Kenny’s propaganda maintained the pow! bam! whack! theme, with this senior Rupert righter declaring at the end that Dutton had won the debate “handsomely”! You could have knocked down The Bug‘s entire staff with a single feather or one leaf of a very wilted lettuce if he had declared it any other way.

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