So much cloacal cleansing has been going on in this current federal election campaign that The Bug proudly announces a new weekly version of our most uncoveted media award, the Media Glass House Arse-Licker of the Month trophy.

So starting tomorrow (Saturday), we will announce this week’s winner of the Coorey-Uhlmann Newswriting Trophy for Week Two Election 2025. Subsequent winners will be revealed over the next four Saturdays up to polling day!

You BUGgers out there have probably guessed the reason why we’ve decided to name the trophy in honour of Phillip Coorey and Chris Uhlmann.

Throughout their entire mainstream mediocre politics reporting careers on behalf of their masters, they have religiously promoted the unregistered Coorey/Uhlmann Method for Picking Election Winners; that as long as the LNP (hint: it’s a coalition of two parties) were ahead of Labor (hint: one party) on primary votes in any election poll, then the natural parties of power (as God has always intended) were in a solid position to win. That’s right, in pursuing their own push-polling endeavours, they have totally ignored the substantial Greens (the other central/sort of left vote, often above 10 per cent) and pushed from their minds the entire concept of Australia’s compulsory preferential voting system, no matter how fucking stupid it made/keeps making them look. Now that’s dedication, right? No shame at all.

So the Coorey/Uhlmann Newswriting trophy it is.

And such is the ringmastery of so many politics scribes now rimming with confidence in campaign 2025 that we are also confident our overall Arse-Licker Award for April will come from the winners of these new weekly gongs!

Never before have the arses of so many media moguls and senior execs being spotlessly cleaned as they are right now, so much so that they are hygienically safe enough to eat a meal off, not that you’d want to, as many world leaders are finding out for themselves right now, on their knees behind Donald Trump’s poo-seeping, Big-Mac bloated, wrinkled, smelly, orang, lard arse and giving it their hole-hearted best tongue-tunneling try!

Now, you BUGgers out there admit it! Aren’t you glad we really don’t have a graphic artists hub that could have provided an image to go with that?!

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