Appreciate that I’ve said some cruel things in the past about that flaccid-arsed, ethics-free, money-hungry, self-obsessed, criminally inclined, viagra-overdosed, cooker and nutter promoting, nonagenarian yank cunt who lives in New York.

Ditto for the nasty things said before then about that flaccid-arsed, ethics-free, money-hungry, self-obsessed, criminally inclined, viagra-overdosed, cooker and nutter promoting, octogenarian yank cunt who lives in New York.

But not now! I’m sending Rupert Murdoch virtual hugs and kisses from across the Pacific and a throatily roared “Thank you! Thank you! (a switch now to Trumpian caps for emphasis with added exclamation marks!) THANK YOU!!!!!!”

Mind if I address him directly from now on?

I salute you, the world’s most powerful media baron ever, for the way the current Aussie federal election is panning out. Much of the credit for that rests on your scrawny nonagenarian shoulders.

For we are now witnessing here what happens when the LNP in government or opposition think they are home and hosed on the back of almost total support from your rotten Aussie rags and your Sky LNPNews hosts. (Backed up to the hilt, by the way, by the Nine radio shock jocks)

They get slack and over-confident and fail to put in the hard yards to research and formulate sound policies capable of swinging voters to their cause. Prime example is the current election with Peter Dutton and his motley crew of shadow ministerial misfits are flopping about like a toadfish left on a hot Aussie summer jetty and with about the same chance of survival.

Dutton has already ditched two of a relatively small offering of poorly thought-out policies, ones concocted with a heady mixture of right-to-rule hubris and totally unwanted self-confidence, with a large dob of laziness thrown in.

Rupert – and of course Lachlan – Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!

And Dutts is now trying very hard to ignore, like a toddler who has shat their pants and doesn’t want mummy to know, his signature nuclear power plant policy. Have the bookies framed odds yet on when he might water down/walk back from/axe this election loser?

The other reason to find favour with you, dear Rupert, is your commitment to what I’ve always called long-term corporate suicide by making your news outlets so shamelessly biased to being almost as far-right as you are, pumpkin, that they’ve become laughable. Should I or most of the journos I worked with be caught out in the bush with the only option to wipe our arses being a sheet out of The Australian or a bunch of mature noogoora burr plant material, I’d suspect we’d have too much respect for our muckholes to use the former.

We all know it’s a given that you have about as much interest in quality journalism as a teenager has in still wanting to be a virgin after Schoolies.

Now while I have never thought Newscorpse’s power to sway voters was anywhere near what your brown-nosing newspaper editors, Sky LNPNews host and the LNP will still be hoping for right now, I guess I should reluctantly admit you might have gotten the LNP over the line in tight contests in the past. When people read your shit rags in a swag of monopoly situations. Maybe.

But those days are gone, and all because you, Rupert, dear, dear old boy, have turned your media platforms into laughing stocks.

So once more from me and on behalf of Albanese and Co: “Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I’d fly over to the Big Apple and give you a big hug in person except who the fuck would want to go anywhere near that failing nation, its rapid decline due in no small part to your “media” outlets there?

Don Gordon-Brown

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