Peter Dutton has wasted no time on day one of the federal election campaign by holding a key strategy meeting this morning with his closest advisers and supporters. (main picture)

“I’ve been well served by my team of dedicated advisers, policy advocates, and publicists ever since I became Liberal Party leader after the 2022 election,” Mr Dutton said.

“We need to be sure Australians elect the Right government on election day and I’m sure I have the Right team to achieve that result.

“I can count on my team to do their best in this campaign to make me PM, just as they have done every day for the past three years.”

After allowing the meeting to be filmed and photographed for a few minutes Mr Dutton asked news media representatives to leave.

“We must get on with Righting the policies and speeches that I’ll be delivering over the next five weeks,” he explained. “That’s why I’d respectfully ask all non-News media to fuck off, and not just from this room.”

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Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has put a scare into Labor Party strategists by almost bungling plans to call the 3 May election.

It’s been revealed that Mr Albanese insisted that he drive himself to Government House (below) this morning to seek formal approval for the election from Governor-General (Note to subs: Please insert G-G’s name whoever it is.)

“After the 2022 campaign when Albo fucked up badly by not known the jobless rate or the Reserve Bank’s cash rate, we really thought he might have again screwed up on day one of the campaign,” a Labor source said.

“The PM wanted to project an ‘everyman’ image by driving himself to see the G-G, whose name escapes me right now.

“He even personally tapped the destination into the satnav system of his official C-1 limo but got it badly wrong.

“The car was about 150 kms south of Canberra on the Hume Highway heading to the Yarra Lumla India Curry House in North Melbourne before one of his aides realised something was amiss.

“It was only because his AFP bodyguard stepped in, took the wheel, did a u-ey, and flattened it all the way back to Canberra that he made it to Government House in time,” the source said.

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Clive Palmer has demanded that the leader of his Oboe of the Obese Party be included in any televised debates during the campaign that feature would-be prime ministers Anthony Albanese and Peter Dutton.

“It’s important that Australian voters are well informed and know all the relevant facts about who is going to lead our nation,” Mr Palmer said.

“That means voters must see and hear all the vital information my Oboe of the Obese Party has to offer and that we are serious contenders in this election, so our leader must be part of any campaign debates.

“His name just escapes me at the moment but he should be there,” Mr Palmer said.

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