We thought we’d dedicate this second lot of our Xcrements-of-the-Week picks to those expected to play major roles in the looming federal election.

And apologies upfront for anyone having a late breakfast or lunch, we thought we’d begin with a look at potentially Australia’s next prime minister come May – one Clive Palmer!

Despite the negative feelings towards the big fella from bradpsychology (at top and below), let us explain how Clive could find himself squeezing through the front doors of The Lodge.

We don’t think so but given the miner is going to spend a rumoured $120 million promoting his new political party (pictured below) wouldn’t it make sense for him to run in a Queensland electorate again, just like when he cleaned up in Fairfax back in 2013?

At the moment, the party’s incoming prime minister is some Gold-Coast sheila who, if the swing is on, will make an even better prime minister than that bloke whose name we’ve forgotten was going to be “Australia’s next prime minister” for Palmer’s United Australia Party in 2022.

So, Clive as our next PM? You BUGgers out there are invited to make as much noise as you can with clackers, kazoos, vuvuzelas and klaxon horns if you have them. We accept it’s a long shot but you never really know! And we’re not sure just how much will this fool be prepared to be parted from his money.

Sure, there are a few hurdles for the Donaldtrumpeters to jump over first. Finding enough lower- house candidates round the nation of the calibre of Victorian senator Ralph Babel will be hard, given the short time left to polling day! Then of course Clive will need an eye-soreful of his public black and yellow signs and a mammoth print and a mammoth electronic media spend to lift his party above the 1 per cent they are currently attracting in a recent poll.

Let’s now look at Angus Taylor who, if some of the polls are right, could very well be the nation’s Treasurer very soon. Buggers: more of those clackers, kazoos, vuvuzelas and klaxon horns please!

Taylor’s appearance on Sunday’s Insiders prompted this funny and short piece of xcrement from Misinformation Fact Checker.

Bewdiful. And Ron Baumann looks like he swallowed a thesaurus to find the words to describe Taylor.

Patrick Gorman MP, Daniel Paxton and JayJay chimed in with their thoughts on Taylor’s stumbles when asked what the Opposition’s seven nuclear power plans would cost: apparently some 44 per cent cheaper than Labor’s plan whose cost he clearly couldn’t recall under David Speers’ fierce investigative gaze. Cue those clackers, kazoos, vuvuzelas and klaxon horns again!

… and Squizz identified the debating platform Taylor prefers.

Finally, let’s take a quick look at one of the LNP’s other super stars who could return as minsters shortly, ready to rort sports grants and colour in spreadsheets.

Sahar A and Eddy Jokovich sent some faecal flak Bridget McKenzie’s way. We hope they stayed out of shotgun range.

If Eddy compiled all those images of McKenzie, we wish him well in his recovery and a quick return to sound mental health.

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