Dear Elon

Knowing you’re such a defender of free speech, I appreciate that you won’t be retaliating in any way, shape or form when I tell you to go fuck yourself with a rubber hose!

The reason for the hose advice? And, please, keep thrusting it in until your eyes water. That soon. But firstly, can I just say that I’ve observed some obscene and shocking things during my lifetime but nothing matches the vomit and diarrhoea-inducing spectacle of the world’s richest man cutting government services to working-class Americans – and sacking tens of thousands of public service jobs, many performed by veterans – all to supposedly slash government waste, freeing up more money for tax breaks for billionaires such as yourself.

You’ll find some very long hoses at Walmart.

And I might add it’s a crying shame I’m an atheist. The idea that you should burn in hell for eternity for the dreadful cunt you’ve become has enormous appeal right now.

Now back to my other beef. Some days ago, X blocked my thebugonline account on what used to be the profitable Twitter platform before the exceptionally brilliant businessman that you are reduced its value by many billions, apparently for breaching X rules.

In the days since, I have responded to the X unhelp desk with pleas like these:
Wednesday (and not the first exchange): I repeat: I cannot log into my account for the reasons I explained to your help desk.

Thursday : As mentioned when seeking help before, I can’t log into my account as it’s still locked and you keep demanding my email addresses – I have two – that you keep telling me are in use elsewhere. They are… By me!

And, sorry, I’m a Luddite and failed miserably at opening “your X app on iOS or Android”.
So please help! And some explanation of how our satire site here in Australia – hint, satire, we make things up – has run foul of your rules.

Thursday: You’ve sent me exactly the same instructions as before …. Ones I told you I couldn’t follow.

Just a bit later on Thursday: You’ve sent me exactly the same instructions as before …. Ones I told you I couldn’t follow. Is there a human being your end that could help fix this?

Friday: Same automatically generated message you send me time and time again and which I have repeatedly told you doesn’t help me.

A bit more background. Over time, we have been alerted to “unusual traffic” spotted on that Bug X site. From memory, we were never told we were breaking X rules. And all we had to do? Prove we were who we knew we were by plopping a cinema goer in the right seat and row and we were straight back in and up and running!

Until mid last week. This time – for the first time – we’re alerted so some X rule breaking. But the “solution” is the same with an extra hoop or two to jump through. Confirm to X that we are indeed the people breaking the rules and everything will be tickety-boo and we’ll be allowed to keep breaking them.

What a fucking illogical, stupid approach to someone supposedly offending X’s sensibilities!
And no solution offered at all to a possible problem. Illogical and head-shakingly stupid. By the way, Elon, Facebook occasionally puts us in the naughty corner for spamming or nudity – unfairly as it generally turns out – but at least we’re told what we’ve supposedly done wrong and there is an appeal process.

But that approach obviously makes no sense to your Muskateers at X. Possibly at Tesla and Space X as well?

Dear parts supplier, your product isn’t up to scratch. Deliveries are banned until you prove to us that you are in fact the very people providing that inferior product and you’ll be allowed to resume providing it. Thanks.

So, Elon, mate! If you build Teslas and rockets with the logic you’ve applied to people supposedly breaching X rules of conduct, and how your X non-help desk run by IA-deprived robots operates, I wouldn’t be at all concerned if every fucking Tesla around the world burst into flames right now! With time, of course, for drivers – and I understand Teslas still need to use them – to get out safely.

And all your unmanned rockets can fucking blow up too.

We’ll survive here if we have to leave X. But the United States might not survive what you and the Tangarine Shitgibbon are doing to it. Both of you are truly dreadful pieces of work.

Fair call, in a world crying out for more freedom of speech and thought?

Don Gordon-Brown

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