WASHINGTON, DC: US Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, has confirmed that he was surgically castrated as a condition for being appointed to the job by President Donald Trump. (main picture)

Rumours about the operation began circulating after last week’s fiery Oval Office meeting between Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy with the President and Vice-President JD Vance.

At the time political observers publicly questioned the meek, silent, and subservient behaviour Mr Rubio exhibited at the meeting in the face of the President and Vice-President’s attacks on Mr Zelenskyy.

“Rubio just sat there and said fuckall,” one seasoned White House reporter said. “That was odd considering he was once an outspoken champion of Ukraine and previously publicly declared Vladimir Putin to be a ‘gangster’, a ‘thug’ and ‘a war criminal’. So something was amiss.”

Another reporter remarked: “Rubio previously advocated helping Ukraine to protect its sovereignty and when Russia launched its invasion in February 2022 the then Florida Senator Rubio urged then President Joe Biden to do all he could to help Ukrainians repel the Russians. But now he does the bidding of the President and Vice-President who are basically Putin’s deputies.”

A third White House press pool veteran said: “At the Oval Office meeting Rubio looked like he’d lost his balls, which is why the few other non-far right wing reporters left in the press pool began asking questions. We wanted to know why he had changed from being the person.”

When asked about the state of his genitals the Secretary of State admitted they had been “recently modified”.

“I can confirm that I underwent a castration procedure prior to my confirmation by the US Senate as a member of President Trump’s cabinet,” Mr Rubio said.

“I did this willingly, albeit mistakenly in my rush to get the job as Secretary of State.

“Looking back I can see I made an error in agreeing to the conditions imposed by the then President-elect Trump when he offered me the job as Secretary of State and the big plane and all the overseas trips that go with it.

“I thought he said it was a unique position but as he has explained since, he actually said it was a eunuch position. 

“But I guess it’s my fault for not clarifying that at the time,” he said.

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