Shadow Home Affairs Minister, Senator James Paterson, (main picture) has been a shock early pick for Australia’s athletics team heading to the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles.

Athletics Australia made the surprise announcement this morning after assessing the Victorian Senator’s recent performances.

“Athletics Australia was first alerted to Senator Paterson’s talents following an interview he did with Sharri Markson (far right at left below) on 10 February about the possibility of President Donald Trump imposing tariffs on Australian exports to the USA,” a spokesperson said.

“In the interview Senator Paterson said other world leaders had made special and urgent trips to the White House but not Prime Minister Anthony Albanese.

“He said he believed the PM was scared of doing so because the Greens would play merry hell in the coming election campaign with a photo of Albo shaking Trump’s hand.

“Senator Paterson was vehement. Such sensitive issues can’t be discussed over the phone. A face-to-face meeting in Washington is needed.

“Markson responded by vigorously nodding, uttering supportive coos, and totally agreeing with him but it was left to reporters waiting outside the Sky News studios to ask Senator Paterson how his call sat with Opposition taunts about ‘Airbus Albo’ and the PM’s allegedly unnecessary overseas trips.

“I am told by reporters present that on being confronted with such questions Senator Paterson ran a mile, or at least 200 metres, to his waiting Commonwealth car.

“One reporter timed him as taking just 19.50 seconds to reach the car – that’s just a shade under the Olympic record of 19.30 held by Usain Bolt who also holds the world record of 19.19 seconds.

“Then a few days later, Senator Paterson followed up the Sky News interview with a news statement once again urging the PM to fly to Washington to meet the US President.

“This time when reporters cornered him while he was walking to his Melbourne office he made a bolt – not to be confused with Usain – and covered the 200 metres in 19.40 seconds.

“So he’s bringing his times down and our track and field scouts believe the Olympic record and maybe even the world time are within his reach with a bit of expert training which is why we’ve picked him so early for the Aussie team for the LA Games,” the spokesperson said.

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