Henderson’s spine missing

MEDIA NEWS:

Gerard Henderson, prominent far right-wing Righter for the far right-wing Murdoch media’s far right-wing national broadshit, The Australian, remains in a Sydney hospital (far right and at left in main picture) after straining his back at the paper’s Sydney office last week.

A source within the newspaper’s Surry Hills newsroom told The Bug that Henderson had injured his back while vigorously performing gymnastics.

“Gerard has been quite upbeat recently thanks largely to the shit-fight over the legal challenge by Antoinette Lattouf to her sacking as a fill-in radio host on ABC Radio Sydney in December 2023,” the source said.

“Gerard was strutting around the newsroom for days boasting about how he had been following the case preparing for one of his trademark far right-wing bucketings of the ABC.

“As always, he paused now and again to supplicate himself before the life-size cut-outs of both the far right-wing Rupert Murdoch and his far right-wing son Lachlan that Gerard had installed next to his desk.

“We often hear him mumbling what sound like prayers to the pair, seeking their divine guidance to help him in his work on their behalf to eradicate the national broadcaster so that News Crap Australia can assume its role while charging for all the programs listeners and viewers now get for free.

“But last week, quite out of the blue, he got a big shock when Lattouff spoke to reporters after closing submissions in the case and declared that she had exposed the ‘rot and the systemic racism at the ABC’.

“For a moment while watching events unfold on live TV, Gerard was jumping in the air, clicking his heels, and telling anyone who’d listen that Lattouff had given him a good line of attack to use against the ABC in his next column.”

The source said the 79-year-old Henderson then began performing cartwheels while declaring: “This is just like the Stan Grant debacle all over again. Racism at the woke, lefty ABC exposed by one of its own!”

Henderson then began to execute backward handsprings, while saying: “It’s just too good to be true. My column will Right itself! All I need to do is reprint her own words. Lattouff’s a solid and unimpeachable source.”

But the newsroom source said things then turned sour very quickly.

“Gerard had just done a backward somersault and was starting an aerial cartwheel without his hands touching the floor when a nearby reporter reminded him that Lattouff was a strong supporter of Palestinian rights and statehood and claimed she had been terminated because of those views so if he wrote his column he’d be taking her side.

“This put Gerard’s timing off and he crashed into filing cabinets and landed very hard on the newsroom floor.

“He looked like a pretzel and just lay there all twisted while screaming ‘Noooooo!’

“An ambulance was called and Gerard was rushed to hospital where doctors undertook a batch of tests including x-rays which didn’t show up any spinal damage, mainly because it didn’t show any spine at all.

“I understand he’ll be in hospital for a few more days and he’s lapsing in and out of consciousness while muttering apologies to Rupert and Lachlan,” the source said.

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