Well, it should be if we all religiously follow the wise advice of the world’s greatest ever soothsayer, The Bug‘s very own, incredibly accurate, the wonder and only Kisma Aryias!

Only Kisma can keep you safe, well, and prosperous over the autumn months ahead. Who knows? He might even forecast the best time to buy bank shares.

PISCES – February 19 – March 20

You firmly believe that dreadful Red bully China would not even think about sending a warship flotilla to anywhere near Australia once we have those three clapped-out, second-hand, US Virginia-class nuclear submarines stalking them – in about two decades time!

ARIES – March 21 – April 19

And that China will sue for permanent peace and send their entire naval fleet to the wreckers yard once our eight other nuclear subs build with Britain are water-ready – in about four decades time!

TAURUS – April 20 – May 20

You also wonder why Australia and New Zealand haven’t taken a leaf out of Donald Trump’s playbook and simply joined forces and renamed the Tasman Sea the Aussies and Kiwis Only Sea.

GEMINI – May 21 – June 20

And that the Great Australians-only Bight gives our continent’s defences real teeth, so to speak.

CANCER – June 21 – July 22

You lie awake in bed all night wondering why, under Australian consumer protection laws, truth-in-advertising rules and under ASIC regulations, Sky News Australia is still allowed to use the word News in its title.

LEO – July 23 – August 22

You lie awake in bed all night wondering why the Prince Charles Hospital in Brisbane has not had its name updated to the King Charles the Third Hospital. Surely that would give patients more confidence as to the hospital’s state-of-the-art care?

VIRGO – August 23 – September 22

You suspect the people who run Sky News Australia all must have great senses of humour to constantly turn to the like of Bronwyn Bishop and Michael Kruger for political analysis. At least they haven’t dug up Billie Snedden for comment.

LIBRA – September 23 – October 22

You understand that online bookies have dramatically slashed the odds of a Labor victory at the looming poll following news that the LNP will once again be rolling out John Howard in must-win seats.

SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21

You don’t lie in bed all night wondering how the purchase of a beachside home by Albanese with his fiancé had the mainstream mediocre in conniptions for weeks on end, yet Peter Dutton’s dodgy bank shares buy-up and massive property investments over time were of little to no interest to so many media outlets.

SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21

You wonder if the rumour is true that the Institute of Public Affairs has sacked Adam Creighton for being even far-too-right for them.

CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19

You hear on the grapevine that Albanese and Dutton have promised not to tell a single lie during the looming federal election, which probably explains why the campaign will defy constitutional rules and run, not for the required 33 days minimum, but for only one week once the election is called.

AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18

You can’t believe your luck while walking down a poorly lit lane armed only with a 3kg Duncan Fearnley cricket bat, you encounter the Liberal strategist who convinced Peter Dutton his $400 billion to $800 billion, taxpayer-funded, nuclear power plants promise was a winner. You throw the bat away and give the startled strategist a big hug, given that the nuclear-plan folly looks at the moment like the only thing that might save the Albanese “No-one will be left behind” Labor government at the looming election.

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