Take note, you BUGgers out there! This column would be more than happy to take the mickey out of sub-editors at The Sydney Morning Herald ’til the end of time.

But the tired, washed up, old hacks who compile this column are starting to wonder whether The Bug should ask the paper’s editor if we at the MGH could address via video the masthead’s subs (yes, we’re assuming there’s more than one!) at the start of their shift tonight. Conduct a short lesson of sorts?

Is that the only way we might put an end to the endless fuckups those subs have made for far too long now over how they folio (number) each edition, especially when there’s an advertising wraparound?

They were at it again last night (Wednesday), sitting down their bone-lazy unprofessional arses – well, one was, at least – without bothering to check how the edition was numbered.

Here’s how a video lesson would go to those sub-standard journos who work at the SMH.

Evening all. We’ve asked you all to have a copy of this morning’s edition at hand as we go through the process. Okay.

Subs desk waves copies.

Good. Now see the front or cover page that you in your wisdom last night decided to call page 1, seeing that makes enormous sense, given, you know, that it is in fact your front or cover page.

Subs hands shoot up but we ignore them.

See how that page ONE masthead is in fact the edition’s real masthead because it’s got more information on it, probably required by law, than the masthead inside on what you guys decided last night to call page 3. This one here.

Subs’ hands shoot up but we ignore them.

Yes, we know. The fake front page on page 3 looks more like a front or cover page than the one on page one. Try to clear that from your minds. That woolly thinking is basically what gets you in trouble so often.

Let’s move on. Now, who was the fuckknuckle sub who handled the page three ASIC story?

No hands shoot up.

The sub who decided that story that was continued inside originated on … anyone?

Subs desk remains silent.

The fuckknuckle sub who decided it originated From Front Page?

Subs desk remains silent.

Now, everyone stand and breath in and out for just a few moments.

Well done. Now …. altogether!

PAGE THREE OF ANY NEWSPAPER CAN NEVER, EVER, BE PAGE ONE, THE FRONT PAGE OR THE COVER PAGE.

Lacklustre response.

C’mon, we can’t hear you!

PAGE THREE OF ANY NEWSPAPER CAN NEVER, EVER, BE PAGE ONE, THE FRONT PAGE OR THE COVER PAGE.

PAGE THREE OF ANY NEWSPAPER CAN NEVER, EVER, BE PAGE ONE, THE FRONT PAGE OR THE COVER PAGE.

Louder!

PAGE THREE OF ANY NEWSPAPER CAN NEVER, EVER, BE PAGE ONE, THE FRONT PAGE OR THE COVER PAGE.

PAGE THREE OF ANY NEWSPAPER CAN NEVER, EVER, BE PAGE ONE, THE FRONT PAGE OR THE COVER PAGE.

Well done. Sit down now and don’t smoke if you have them.

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